Of Lies and Deception
by ceci.chun
Summary: Edward left Bella 80 years ago, and now she's changed. She is part of another coven and has lived in Forks for the past few years. The arrival of the Cullen family threatens to change everything she's tried to forget. Sequel: Show Me How To Live
1. 01 The End

**Author's Note: **This is my first Twilight fanfic that I have posted. C/C's welcome. I hope you enjoy reading this fanfiction as much as I enjoy writing it. Standard disclaimers apply. I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. Lucas is my own creation. Please do not take this fic out of this site without permission. Do not copy and say it is your own, that's sad and it'll make you feel very guilty. Please, enjoy my story. ^^

**01. The End**

"He's back you know," Lucas said as he casually slung his arm around me.

"Who is?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

"Edward"

"Oh really? I didn't notice."

"Yea. Right" he snorted.

"I am right," I mumbled.

He grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face him. He looked at me with his golden eyes, but I turned my face away, unable to keep my façade up under his piercing gaze. He gently placed a finger on my chin and turned my face back to him and he whispered to me.

"I will protect you, I promise that as long as I am here, you'll be safe."

I closed my eyes and nodded. Out of nowhere he tapped me on my nose. Running away laughing he yelled.

"You're going to be late!"

I glanced around the hallway and realized that it was empty. I hurried off to my next class. Biology.

With a curt nod, Mr. Larne pointed me to my desk. I mumbled an apology and hurried to my seat. In my hurry I did not notice my new seat partner. I glanced up quickly and I immediately recognized a long remembered scent. Edward. Of all ironies, we are together once again - in biology. I saw him give me a cursory glance and a flash of confusion mar his features before he turned away.

I turned to face the teacher, mindlessly doodling; wishing for the day to end. A soft voice broke through my mindless musings.

"Hi, my name is Edward Cullen."

I glanced up briefly and nodded to acknowledge that I had heard him. Prompting a reply he continued his introduction.

"And you are?"

I hesitated, perhaps the name - my name - was too obvious. After all it was a bittersweet tribute to the two people I loved the most in the world. Relations none withstanding.

"Alice. My name is Alice Masen."

If my name surprised him in anyway, he did not let it show. He studied me intently for a moment, before glancing away.

"Oh, I see," was all he said.

The rest of the class passed by in an awkward blur.

The moment the bell rang, I shot out of my seat and hurried outside. I knew that my behavior probably seemed insane, but I couldn't stand another minute being next to him. I breathed a sigh of relief as Lucas appeared beside me, grasping my hand.

"Appearances, my dear. Most people can't dart out of their chairs as fast as you," he murmured.

"Not nearly as fast as you," I retorted.

"You couldn't bear it, could you. It doesn't matter now, what's done is done. Let's go to lunch. You have to eat."

"No, I don't actually," I snapped.

"Actually you do, because if your eyes turn any paler they'd disappear."

I groaned and slipped my hand out of Lucas' grasp. Instead I settled on placing my arm in the crook of his elbow.

"You are the strangest," he mused, half to himself.

Like I needed reminding. I wasn't full vampire like Lucas or the Cullens, so instead of having topaz colored eyes, my eyes were a rare shade of purple. Amethyst in color when I was full (human food, blood holds no interest for me), but fade at an alarming rate to a pale grey when I went to long without nourishment. The problem was I really didn't need to eat, so I wasn't aware when my eyes started to fade. So on days that I forget, I got many comments on my odd for choice for contact lenses.

I stuck my tongue out at him as we settled down into our seats. I pulled out a few dollars and mock commanded him to get me some Coke. He smiled briefly, before bowing as he left.

When he returned he tilted his head into the direction of the cafeteria entrance. "The Cullens are coming."

I took the Coke from him, and drank it quickly. I reached for the second and promptly finished that one as well. I flashed my eyes to Lucas for inspection.

"Better," he whispered, "a light purple."

I nodded and closed my eyes. I felt a cold breeze as Lucas sat down beside me. He pulled me close to him, so that my head rested gently on his shoulder. He started to stroke my hair as I lay there with my eyes closed. I smiled a small half smile. I knew that from the outside looking in, we looked like a couple. Rumors had not escaped me, even after eighty years. We are still a topic of gossip at every school we go to. Granted each time it was with a new set of people, and at a different place, but rumors and gossip never got any more creative. 'I heard that they were married', 'They're really brother and sister, but they had to elope…' Each rumor was more ridiculous than the first. Most of the time we encouraged these rumors as a way of protecting ourselves. To ward off any potential suitors. However, there was always the occasional persistent girl who dreamed that Lucas would tire of me. Those hopes were in vain. We've been doing this for so long that we have perfected our art of deception.

I reached up to touch Lucas's cheek. He glanced down at my upturned face and released his fingers from my hair. We both stood up and he took my hand into his as we walked out of the cafeteria together, conscious of all the stares we left in our wake.


	2. 02 Trying Not to Be

**Author's Note:** Thank you everyone for the reviews! This is my first time using this site, and I appreciate all the support. This is not my first fanfiction, but it is my first Twilight fanfiction that has a hope of being finished. I will work hard to upload at _least one _chapter everyday. I do have the first four chapters already finished, but I like to tweak them all before I post, in order to give you the best possible chapter I can. I hope you enjoy the duration of the story and continue to support me! ^^

**02. Trying Not to Be **

"Morning sleepyhead!"

I rolled over uncomfortably in my sleep. I swatted the air and I felt Lucas clasp my wrist. I tried to pull myself free, but only succeeded in head butting Lucas in the chest.

"Ow," I mumbled. He laughed and ruffled my hair. I moaned, but I got out of bed - taking my blankets with me. He smirked as he grabbed the tail end of my blanket. In less than a second, he had my blanket and I was shivering in my old sweatpants and ratty T-shirt. I scowled at him as I stalked off to the bathroom.

I grasped the sink as I looked into the mirror. My face was slightly flushed, and my hair was a mess, but even though I looked so disheveled, I still looked beautiful. My reflection was something that I could never get used to. It had been eighty long years since I last saw myself.

I splashed my face with some cold water, washing away my thoughts. I turned my back to my reflection as I wiped my face. I walked out of the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind me.

"That took longer than usual," Lucas remarked.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, it too me a long time to accept my new reflection," he said quietly.

I looked up startled. "How did you…"

In an instant, I felt Lucas's cold arms wrapping around me. He brushed away the tear that trailed down my cheek.

"I know it's hard for you, so much more for you than it was for me."

"You would never know… never truly understand."

" I know I'll never hurt as much as you did, but I know what you've been through" he brushed my hair, "You do remember, you talk in your sleep."

I smacked his arm and he chuckled. The drama of the moment disappeared and I hurried to get ready for school.

We arrived just as the bell rang and I rushed to my English class. I made it moments before Ms. Valier walked in. I settled myself into my chair, pulling my books out of my bag and onto my desk. I glanced at my seat partner, checking if I'd have grief so early in the morning, and was relieved to see a non descript boy - Kyle - gawking at me. I glanced away disinterested. I tried hard to concentrate on Ms. Valier's babbling lecture, but failed miserably. Instead I looked out the window, studying the rain as it fell in a steady downpour. The hour passed by slowly and when the bell finally rang, I shuffled out my seat, dragging myself to the door.

When I finally made it to my locker, I chucked my books in with all intentions of skipping the rest of the day. That was before I saw Edward heading towards Spanish. My next class. I sighed as I retrieved my books. I slammed my locker shut as I hurried towards Edward -- the first time in so many years. I mentally slapped myself, scolding myself for being such a glutton for punishment.

The moment I stepped into the Spanish room, I knew I'd probably regret my rash decision. I deliberately walked to a desk on the opposite side of the room from Edward, and sat down stiffly. I kept my back rigid for the entire hour, resolving that no matter what Edward's next class would be, I would not follow. I refused to look at him, even thought I could feel his gaze boring into me. I stoically glared at the board, and when class finally ended I had hoped to make a quick escape. However, that was not to be. Edward appeared beside me in an instant.

"That was some class. What did you think about the lesson?" he inquired, teasing me.

I felt a blush rise, embarrassed at being so close to him.

"It was fine," I answer brusquely. I tried to sidle away, but Edward kept a steady pace beside me. I was sending massive signals of 'leave me alone', but either he chose to ignore it, or wanted to irritate me to no end. I was saved when Lucas appeared beside me, slipping his hand into mine. He glanced at Edward. His gaze was challenging. Lucas broke the gaze by extending his free hand, an introduction.

"My name is Lucas. And you are?"

"Edward"

"I see you've met Alice."

"Yes."

Their grip on each other was a bit longer than a normal handshake, it seemed as if they were sizing each other up. There would be no doubt that Edward would know that Lucas was a vampire. But I wondered, what would he make of me. Considering I was a half breed, I doubt it was a scent he had ever encountered. I was pretty sure I was the only one of my kind. I didn't smell as wonderful as a human, but I also did not have the ethereal scent of a vampire. Lucas liked to call it the smell of internal suffering.

Edward's curt goodbye pulled me from my internal questioning, and I felt a flood of relief as I watched his retreating back. Lucas scowled at me and said, "If you keep doing this…" he trailed off.

"I'm sorry."

"I can't always save you."

"I know, I was planning to skip."

"Let's. I'll drive the car around and then we can head out."

"I don't know…"

"Come on, where do you want to go?"

I pondered that for a moment and then I said softly, "The meadow. I want to go to the meadow."

Lucas cupped my face into his hands. He studied me intently, his eyes running across my ever changing eyes, my dark eyelashes, the straight edge of my nose, and finally resting on my lips. My only imperfection. The only human characteristic that had survived my transformation. That and all my internal organs.

Lucas bent his head closer, his lips so close. Close enough that his breath cooled my lips. They lingered there, almost as if to kiss me.

"Let's go," Lucas said, breaking the spell.

In the car I asked him about the almost kiss. I saw a moment of grief break through his expression. But it was gone before I could be sure.

"Edward was watching." Lucas replied smoothly.

"Oh."

"Good thing he can't read my mind, or he would have seen right through my disgust at almost kissing you," he remarked jokingly.

I hit him on his arm and told him to just drive. He laughed as he sped up, knowing how much I hate speed. I crossed my arms and glared at the fast passing scenery. Lucas tapped the steering wheel, spewing random nuances in a transparent attempt to try and get me to forgive him. Refusing to be swayed, I continued to ignore him. The drive to the meadow was a long and silent one.

I slammed the door shut as I got out of the car. But I knew I had to forgive Lucas or else I'd be stuck hiking to the damned meadow. Granted I'd be faster than your normal hiker, but it'd still take me awhile. Lucas rounded the corner and said, "I forgive you."

"You know I'm only using you," I joked.

"I know," he replied.

"Oh Lucas…"

He grinned dispelling the awkward silence that threatened to push us apart. He pulled me onto his back, and at an inhuman speed, we speed off towards my past and memories.


	3. 03 If Only I Had the Chance to Forget

**Author's Note: **Hey readers! I hope you're all enjoying the story so far. I know it might seem confusing, but I promise that it'll make sense in the later chapters -- at least I hope it will. =D I know Chapter 3 is rather short, but I felt that it'd be more powerful if I didn't try to drag it out. The next chapter (4) will also be relatively short, but I will post it by the end of the day. Perhaps. ^^

*C/C's are always welcomed! The more the better.

**03. If Only I Had the Chance to Forget**

"The last time you came here was thirty years ago…" Lucas began.

Thirty years ago was the fiftieth anniversary of my death. I remembered that day so clearly. It tops my memory, along with meeting Lucas, losing Edward, losing my life….

That day that we came was a beautiful day. A rarity in Forks. It was the first time I had come back to Forks, and Lucas's first time in Forks. I stayed in the meadow the entire day that time. I refused to leave. Lucas has to pry me away. He told me then that perhaps I wasn't ready, and we left Forks. We came to Forks at my insistence. I couldn't avoid the past forever. So Lucas and I moved into Charlie's old house, confident that anyone who knew me, was either senile or dead.

I pulled Lucas towards me as I ran towards the center of the meadow. I pulled him down next to me, placing his head on my lap. I ran my fingers through his hair, humming softly. He gripped my hand and pulled away.

"Stop."

I glanced up, "I'm sorry. Am I hurting you?"

"I, you…, you never told me why you like this meadow," he finished awkwardly.

"It was the first time I saw true beauty. He sparkled like you and he was dazzling. Absolute perfection. So beautiful…" I trailed off.

"Edward."

"Yea. I had planned to go to Seattle that day, but he asked me to come here so he could fulfill a promise that he made me. That memory has begun to fade though. My human eyes, weren't strong enough to see him for what he really was."

"So, why do you torture yourself by coming here?" he question me sharply.

"I, no, I don't know." I mumbled.

"You never seem to know," Lucas concluded quietly.

In a moment of vulnerability I heard him say quietly, "If only you knew…"

"Knew what?" I pressed.

"Nothing, let's just go."

"Fine," I climbed onto his back and he ran back to the car, leaving his hurt and my memories behind.


	4. 04 Alone in My Thoughts

**Author's Note: **Here it is - Chapter 4. I figure if you put the two together it's about the same length as the first two chapters. I promise that the following Chapters are much longer. I know that if it's not making much sense at the moment, hopefully it will. The following chapters will delve more into Lucas' past, and why Alice is who she is today.

On a side note, for Chapter 3, bascially when Alice first goes back to the meadow she still feels an immense hurt over losing Edward, and in her mind she thought that the meadow was the only connection she had with him, that's why she couldn't bear to leave. However, the second time she revisited the meadow (Chapter 3), she knows that the meadow isn't her only connection to Edward anymore- because Edward is back. I hope this clears up the confusion.

**04. Alone in My Thoughts**

That night I was restless in my dreams. Fragments of almost forgotten memories mashed together with old nightmares and fears. I woke up in a cold sweat, my knuckles white, as I gripped the bed sheets. I climbed out of bed and glanced at the clock. 6:04. Great, almost two hours left before school starts. I checked to see if Lucas was in his room, he was not, but in his place was a note.

_I've gone out to hunt. I'll be back before your breakfast. - Love, Lucas._

I put his note back down, and I hurried back to my room. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater. I ran quickly down the stairs, grabbing my coat as I opened the door. I locked the door behind me, taking care to make sure none of the neighbors saw me leaving. I pulled the coat tighter around me, as I felt the cold morning fog. I walked quickly down the road with only one destination in mind. The cemetery.

As I neared an older part of the cemetery - the part where all the gravestones were worn and covered with years of neglect - I slowed. I wasn't positive it was here, but I knew the general area. I didn't need to fret however. Even though my mind didn't remember, my heart did.

In front of a particularly worn gravestone, I reached out a hand to clean it off. I brushed away dead leaves, fallen leaves and dirt. I walked over to the water spout and cupped handfuls of water to clean off the dirt I couldn't get off. I returned once more to wash my hands. When I once again stood in front of the gravestone, I couldn't stop a tear that escaped from me. I reached out to brush it away, but my hand extended towards the gravestone instead. I ran my fingers lightly across the worn stone. My fingers traced out the words that have been engraved on the stone for so long.

_Charlie Swan. 1963 - 2050. Beloved Father._

I felt my heart crumple as I whispered softly to Charlie. "I'm so sorry Dad, I wasn't here for you when you died. But you understand why? But I was here, at your funeral. Watching from a distance. I love you dad." I sobbed openly now. Regret ripping my heart apart. I sat there for a long time, until I saw the muted light of dawn. I stood up then, and knew I had to head back, before Lucas found out. As I was walking away, I took one last glance at Charlie's gravestone. Lingering there for a moment before heading out. Next to his grave I saw another. One, even more worn. I glanced at it briefly before heading out. The name on the stone haunting me as I ran home. _Bella Swan._


	5. 05 Secrets that Sometimes Need Keeping

**Author's Note: **Good morning everyone! =D Here's Chapter 5 for your viewing pleasure. I hope that the story continues to pull you all in, and more reviews would be appreciated. However I do realize it's quite a lot of work to drop a line or two, so no pressure there. ^^

This chapter is slightly longer, and doesn't reveal *that* much, but Chapter 6 clocks in at a massive 1300 hundred words +! So just wait for it, and I hope you'll all keep reading!

**05. Secrets that Sometimes Need Keeping**

I pushed open the door quietly, hoping that Lucas did not make it home before me. I closed the door shut, and dropped the keys back on the counter. I dashed up the stairs, peeking into Lucas's room as I passed. It was empty. I rounded the corner and strolled towards my room - confident that Lucas was still out. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over myself. I still had a half hour before school started. I snuggled under the covers, and fell into a troubled sleep.

The piercing scream of the alarm clock pulled me from my sleep. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, and hurried through my morning routine. I bounded down the stairs, and I saw Lucas sitting on the kitchen table, waiting for me. I smiled at him, genuinely happy to see him. I gave him a quick hug, and he smiled briefly at me. I contemplated whether I should tell him about my early visit to the cemetery, but decided this was something he didn't need to know.

"You're incredibly chipper today," Lucas remarked dryly.

"Yea. It's Friday! The last day before the weekend," I bubbled. Even to my ears I sounded fake. I decided to tone down the enthusiasm a little bit.

"Seeing as it is a Friday, what do you say about an early weekend?"

"Lucas, we can't! We already skipped half a day yesterday!"

"When did you become such a stickler for attendance? Isn't this your… oh I don't know, your thirty third time at being a junior?"

What Lucas said was true, and quite honestly I didn't really know where my sudden excitement to attend school had come from. Perhaps it was my subconscious, pushing me towards the inevitable. After all, Edward was my first love. No matter how much he had hurt me, a part of me - albeit the weakest part - wanted to see him. Now that he was so close, I wanted to see him as much as possible. To make up for the lost eighty years. I wondered how long it would take before he would leave again. And I felt a pang in my heart. The second time would be easier I reassured myself.

"So what? There's nothing like new knowledge," I replied.

"Right. New knowledge. The last time I checked you also completed university more than once," Lucas scoffed. "It's Edward isn't it? When are you going to learn to love someone who won't hurt you?" he continued. Aiming a low blow.

I flushed visibly, hurt that he would say something like that. It seemed that ever since the return of Edward, Lucas has been quiet, withdrawn and sometimes downright rude. It was probably due to the fact that he was worried that Edward would hurt me again.

"It's not Edward, Lucas. It's just that normal students do not skip multiple days and still get perfect GPA's."

"Fine, we'll go to school. But you have to stop thinking about him."

"You don't know what I think," I replied shortly.

"I don't know what you think, but I can see it in your eyes. Whenever you think about him - or the time of your human existence - your eyes get this faraway expression. They take you so far away, that sometimes I fear that I can't bring you back."

I reached for Lucas' hand, but he pulled away from me. I looked at him, confused. Lucas whispered to me.

"I will not be your Jacob, Bella."

I hissed at him. "Do not call me Bella. Do not _ever_ speak about Jacob again."

"I'm sorry," he reiterated, "I didn't mean to say that. It just slipped out."

"Maybe you didn't mean to say it, but you've been thinking about it. You will not be my Jacob, because you are not my sun. You are not my best friend." I practically spat at him.

He looked at me with a wounded expression.

I tried to take my hurtful words back. But it was too late. What hurt I'd inflicted had already happened. Lucas backed away and left me standing in the kitchen by myself. I called after him, but he did not hear me. I sat down by myself, knowing that once again, I had pushed away the people that I loved most.


	6. 06 The Sun Has Set For the Second Time

**Author's Note: **And here it is finally! Chapter 6. I hope that this clears up any confusion that you readers may currently harbor. ^^ I hope that this chapter will bring in more readers and keep my current readers hooked. I just want to thank everyone for their reviews, and hope they continue to enjoy.

**06. The Sun Has Set For the Second Time**

I don't know how long I sat there on the floor. But by the time I finished wallowing in self misery, the shadows were long gone, and the room was dark. I struggled to get up, and I tripped on my own two feet. I glanced at my feet in surprise. Shocked, because every since my transformation, my klutziness had vanished. Perhaps this human trait has resurfaced because I'm tired of being someone I was not.

I checked the rooms, hoping that Lucas had forgiven me and had come home. My search was in vain, as the rooms were empty and the house was eerily silent. Alone, with nothing but my own regret, I tried to think back to a happier time.

My life with Lucas had always been uncomplicated. We understood each other, and trusted each other explicitly. We had our disputes, but I had never been so spiteful towards him. I tried to forget, as I let my mind drift towards the memories of a past long gone.

_So this is pain. The burning did not seem to stop. I knew that I would struggle in this punishment for three days. I did not comprehend that the pain would be so much. What I was feeling exceeded anything I had ever felt before. It hurt more than the pain that Edward hnd inflicted upon me when he broke my heart. I could feel the fire burning in my veins, as I struggled in vain to fight. I knew that I could not escape the inevitable end. _

_Three days had never been longer. As the fire slowly receded, I struggled to pull myself out of the pain. When finally, the pain was all gone, I felt strangely empty. Where was the thirst that Edward had always talked about? The unavoidable burning in my throat. Where was it? I could feel nothing, except the pulse of my heart, and the softness of the sheets under me. _

_Wait. Softness of the sheets? I pried my eyes open and took a cursory glance around. I was in a small room, perhaps a motel room. I sat up, standing up unsteadily. I almost pitched forward when a strong arm caught me. I swung around in surprise. Greeting me was a boy that could rival Edward's perfection. _

_The boy was as beautiful as the Edward in my memories. In a moment of foolishness, I thought - perhaps this _was _him. That thought quickly diminished when I looked at the boy some more. _

_His eyes were topaz colored - perhaps that is why I initially thought he was Edward - and he had long eyelashes, and dark brown hair. It was tousled as if he had just awoken, but the dark circles under his eyes, hinted at the sleep that he probably never got. However, aside from the eyes, he looked very different from Edward. His features were softer somehow, not as sharp as Edward's had been. _

_He gave me a brief smile before placing me back gently on the bed. I thought irrationally of running, but if he had intended to hurt me, wouldn't he have done so already? Or perhaps have let me fall flat on my face just moments before?_

_His voice broke through my ramblings, and positively captured me._

"_My name is Lucien Malone."_

"_Are you a vampire?" I asked. What a stupid question I thought in hindsight._

_He laughed at that. "Yes. However, I am not sure what _you_ are, as I clearly saw you racked with the pains of a vampire transformation, but yet your heart still beats, and you bear a faint scent of a human."_

"_Why did you save me?" I asked curiously._

"_I needed someone that I could be with. I'm tired of being by myself…" he started, "Also, I saw the vampire torture you before changing you, so I knew that she didn't change you because she needed you - only because she wanted to hurt you…" he trailed off._

"_Victoria." I shuddered at the thought._

"_Yes, well, she won't come back. The fire she burned in was quite something." Lucas said with a smile of satisfaction._

_I knew that that smile should have sent me running for the door. I mean considering Victoria was an experienced vampire, and could be so easily destroyed by this boy… what chance could I possibly have?_

"_Bella?" Lucas said breaking through my thoughts._

_Bella? That was my name. But since I'm not human - full human - anymore, perhaps I should change that. _

"_No. Bella was who I used to be. Please, call me Alice."_

"_Alright. Alice. Then please do call me Lucas. I think it's better suited in the times that we are in now."_

_I smiled at him, and he grinned back. _

"_How old are you anyway, Lucas?"_

The memory faded as I came back down to reality. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw another set of eyes gazing silently back at me.

"Lucas."

"What were you thinking about just now? I saw you relaxed for the first time in a really long time."

"I was thinking about the first time we met. Luke, I'm really sorry about what I said. You are the most important person in my life now. And I would die for you." I concluded.

"I'm sorry too. I pushed beyond what I should have. Can we go back to the way we were?"

He wanted _us _back as much as I did. I did not hesitate in giving or asking for forgiveness.

I took his hands in mine and I pulled him close. He wrapped his arms around me in an embrace that took my breath away. In that hug, I could feel the pain that he felt, and I wanted so much to comfort him. I could feel the tears that he left unshed, and I looked up at him with sad eyes.

"You loved someone didn't you? You loved her as much as I loved Edward… Who was she?"

"She," he paused, "Is someone that I no longer think about." he replied stiffly.

I knew from the tone of his voice that the subject was closed, and to never be broached again. I turned my face back into his chest and felt him pull me closer. We stood there for an infinitesimal amount of time before we broke apart.

"I guess we won't be going to school anymore today," Lucas joked.

I laughed along with him. Glad that we had mended our differences so easily. But worried that perhaps the next time it wouldn't be so easy. How many times could he forgive me, for hurting over Edward? How many times could we forgive each other for the things we'd rather not talk about? How soon, before he would see me for who I really was, and not who I tried to be?

I gave into the moment and tried to smile a genuine smile. I felt Lucas push me gently towards my room, hinting that it was late and that I needed sleep.

I turned towards him and wished him good night. With one last lingering look at me, he pushed me into my room and shut the door quietly behind me. I stared at my empty room, and made my way towards my bed. I settled in, hoping for a good night's sleep, but instead I was awake for more than a few hours. I laid there listening to the quiet of the night, and started when a soft click caught my attention. I heard the engine of the car start outside, and I held still. I heard the car pull out of the driveway and drive off before I peeked outside. I could see the glint of Lucas's hair as he drove off under the cloak of darkness.


	7. 07 The Past Revisited

**Author's Note: **I hope everyone enjoyed the last chapter and enjoy Chapter 7 as well. I don't know when I'll post Chapter 8, maybe tomorrow, or day after. The reason being that I have massive English Lit reading to do, (Milton's _Paradise Lost_), so keep checking back!

**07. The Past Revisited**

I put on a jacket and I snuck out of the house quietly to follow Lucas. I didn't know exactly where he went, but I figured I'd just keep walking until I saw the car. Luckily for me, I didn't have to walk long, and I found the car after a short while, parked next to the cemetery.

Curious, I peeked in the car to see if Lucas was inside. The car was empty, but the hood of the car was still warm. Lucas had just left a few moments before. I surveyed the flat expanse of the cemetery trying to find him.

My eyes strained in the darkness, but a flash of white caught my attention. I saw Lucas crouched next to a gravestone, that was little more than a foot high. He was partially obscured by the trees next to the stone, and I struggled to make out what he was doing. Taking a risk, I held my breath and crept closer towards him. When I was only a few meters away, I let my breath out slowly.

The night was still and there was no wind. I hoped that because of this, my scent wouldn't alert Lucas to my presence. I could almost hear his quiet murmurs, and I fought the temptation to move even closer. I felt guilty for eavesdropping, but what was he hiding?

But then I thought back to my own visit just a day before. I resolved that everyone has their secrets, and it wasn't fair of me to sneak in on what was obviously a private moment for Lucas. I turned around and started to sneak off when I heard my name.

"Isabella"

I turned around, busted. But Lucas wasn't looking at me. He was still looking at the gravestone.

"It's been so long. I tried my dearest. I tried so hard…"

I held my breath as I leaned in closer. Was this the girl that he loved? I could hear his quiet sobs as his palms pressed against the stone. He continued to speak to her as if she was there with him. His words came out in a rush, barely making coherent sense.

"I met a girl. Well, I saved a girl. Her name is Isabella too, just like you. I saved her the way I couldn't save you, my love. Bella, she likes to be called that, beautiful Bella. I didn't want to save her. I really didn't. But she looked so small, so fragile. And she suffered like me. She suffered like me, don't you see? She loved someone so much that even though her heart was supposed to stop beating, it continued to beat after her transformation. She loved more than I ever could. Oh Isabella, how did we end up like this…? You were supposed to be here. Here, with me."

I felt tears prick the back of my eyes. I had seen enough, I needed to leave. Already I knew that I had heard too much. If Lucas had meant for me to know about this, he would have told me. I backed away slowly but in my hurry to leave, I stepped on a fallen branch. The sound was just a soft crackle, but it seemed magnified in the darkness. Lucas's head snapped up, and I knew that I had been caught.

His eyes caught mine in a long gaze, and then he let out a sigh. He beckoned me forward. And even as I was walking towards him, I could feel the apologizes forming behind my lips.

He pressed his finger to my lips, in an action to tell me to be silent. He sighed once again and said gently, "I should have told you a long time ago."

"No, you don't. I invaded into something that is clearly yours."

"No. You told me your story. It's only fair I tell you mine."

Still embarrassed at being caught, I insisted that he did not need to tell me anything. That this memory was his, and his alone.

But he stopped my barrage of words. "You've already heard some. Why not let me tell you the whole story?" He sat down and pulled me next to him. I tried once more to tell him that this was unnecessary, but he ignored me and began to speak.


	8. 08 Fifty Thousand Days of Regret

**Author's Note: **Just a short note today. Hope you enjoy reading the chapter. ^^ And continue to support my story. Plus, I have an epic chapter (well, epic in my opinion) planned for February 14th, so keep checking! ^^

**08. Fifty Thousand Days of Regret**

_Isabella was just an ordinary girl. She wasn't the most beautiful, but her personality was captivating. I had been a vampire for about ten years before meeting her. She was my siren's call. When I first came into town and glimpsed her I knew that she was the one._

_From the moment I met her, I knew that this was love. I courted her relentlessly for months, but what worry did I have? My looks alone attracted the attention of every female, and even the occasional male. But I only had eyes for her._

_Our courtship was a simple one. I felt that our love was so pure. We were connected in a way that no one could understand. I truly thought that she would be my forever._

_After three years of wooing her, I proposed. It should have been a happy ending. I would have loved her forever. But it was not to be. _

_On the eve of our wedding she abruptly broke off our engagement. She refused to speak to me after that, and she hid from me. But I would not let go. I constantly tried to visit her. I begged her to let me see her. She would not relent. Heartbroken, I thought perhaps she had found someone else. I foolishly searched the town, looking for the person who took my love away. _

_But I was a fool. Isabella was so wonderful - she would never betray me like that. And the truth was more horrible than what I could ever have imagined. Isabella had contracted smallpox. Being the lovable girl that she was, she stayed away because she thought that it would kill me. She was dying, but all she could think about was _me.

_I couldn't believe it. I snuck into her room, and held her hand. She looked at me with vacant eyes. She pleaded with me. Told me to leave. Told me that she was sorry. Told me that she loved me. _

_In the dark of the night, I whispered to her. I will save you. You don't know who I am. She looked at me, and said four words. "Of course I know.'"_

_I glanced at her in surprise. And she smiled weakly. How could I not. Your beauty is breathtaking and you never change. She stroked my face and whispered, "My beautiful immortal."_

_I brushed her hair from her face and told her that I could change her. Make her like me. She looked at me, with such trust and innocence. I told her that at first it would hurt unbearably - but it would end. She closed her eyes and nodded. 'I love you' were her last words before I bit her._

_But I had never done that before. I had never created a new vampire. And the blood - the damned blood - held me. I couldn't let go. She died that night. Because I wasn't strong enough. I killed her. And she doesn't even know. I never told her I loved her. She's dead and it's all my fault. She died without knowing. Without knowing how much she meant to me. How she was my world…_

Lucas trailed off, his sobs racking his body. I hugged him close and smoothed his hair.

"It's okay. She knows," I said to him, trying to comfort him.

"She doesn't. I never told her… I never told her!"

Lucas's tears stained my jacket. I felt my heart break for him. I had never seen him like this. So vulnerable. I always knew that he had a past, but I had never asked, and I never knew of this burden that he carried around.

I looked beyond his head, to the gravestone that was worn with age. And I thought somewhat sadly, if Isabella knew how much her death tormented Lucas.

I murmured softly to Lucas. "She would have died anyway. You tried Lucas, you did."

Lucas pulled away from me. And glared at the sky. He started to scream. "I HATE what I am. If I were human, then I'd have been happy. I could have been anything but this! I LOVE YOU ISABELLA. You have to believe me!"

He collapsed to the ground, utterly spent. I inched closer and tugged him towards me. I pulled him into a hard embrace. I cried with him, hoping that he could see that I understood. That I had felt the same pain.

"You are not a monster. You are a wonderful friend to me. And if it weren't for you, I would also be dead. You cannot blame yourself for Isabella's death. It wasn't your fault. You tried, I know you did."

Lucas sniffled and hugged me back. I rested my head on his chest. And the night closed in on us. The world seemed to stand still as we stood there. I heard him whisper in my ear, "Thank you."

I took his hands in mine and squeezed them reassuringly. We stood there together, hand in hand staring at a past finally revealed and waited until the sun broke the dawn, basking us in its eternal glory.


	9. 09 And the World Keeps Spinning

**Author's Note:** Because of my horrible planning, the 'epic chapter' I had planned to post tomorrow will be pushed to Sunday. I hope everyone has a nice Valentine's Day (for the couples out there) or a nice SAD day (Single Awareness). I hope you all enjoy this chapter and contine to read my fic. ^^

**09. And the World Keeps Spinning**

The ride home was a silent one. Lucas kept his eyes on the road and I stared uncomfortably at my hands. The silence seemed to stretch on forever when finally, Lucas broke it.

"Did I frighten you?"

I grasped for the words that could have a hope of conveying what I was feeling and thinking.

"No," I began carefully, "Now that I know, I feel that I can understand you better. I'm glad that you told me."

Lucas relaxed visibly beside me.

"You don't think I'm wrong? That I'm a monster?"

"You loved her." I said simply. "You did for her what I wanted from Edward."

"Ah. Edward." Lucas tapped his finger lightly on the steering wheel.

"Do you really think it's because of Edward that I am what I am?"

"Yes."

I was going to pursue the question further, but we had arrived home and Lucas was already out of the car and waiting patiently for me, holding the car door open.

I stepped out of the car, swaying slightly.

"You look like hell." Lucas commented.

"Thanks. I feel like hell." I retorted.

"Well you have some of the weekend left still, how about you go and take a nap." Lucas suggested.

I nodded sleepily, and the last thing I remembered was Lucas carrying me to my room, and placing me gently on my bed.

I groaned when I heard my bedroom curtains being pulled open. Unwillingly, I pried open one eye, and was instantly blinded by the streaks of light streaming into my room.

"Help me! I'm burning!" I mock screamed into my pillow.

"You're so silly."

"Vampires die in sunlight." I said solemnly.

"Only in human stories."

I felt my bed sink in slightly as Lucas sat down on the edge. He pulled me up into a sitting position and I glared groggily at him.

"You woke me up so early," I complained loudly.

"School starts in about twenty minutes," Lucas said dryly.

"School starts…" I mumbled sleepily, "WHAT?!"

"You slept for more than a day. Your mouth was having a field day." Lucas laughed.

I flopped back down with a moan. The weekend had been full of so much drama and revelation - school seemed so insignificant. I kicked Lucas gently with my foot, and crawled out of bed. I prodded slowly towards the bathroom, trying to shake off the last vestiges of sleep.

"I'll be waiting for you outside!" Lucas yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

I spat out my mouthful of toothpaste and yelled back a semi incoherent reply.

I finished brushing my teeth quickly and pulled on the first things that I saw. I ran down the stairs, glanced at my reflection briefly in the hallway mirror -assessing that I hadn't put on something completely inappropriate - shoved my shoes on and ran outside.

I buckled myself in the car as Lucas glanced at me.

"Ready?"

I nodded, unhappy that my Monday was already off to such a bad start. I clutched the edge of my seat as Lucas sped off like a race car driver towards the school.

I felt like vomiting when I got of the car. I walked somewhat unsteadily towards the school. True, we had made it with five minutes to spare - but at what cost? Seeing my guts spilled on the floor wasn't the most pleasant way for _anyone _to start their morning. If it weren't for Lucas holding onto me, I would have in all likely hood also had a set of broken bones to accompany my morning showcase. The school was filled with the din of students chattering after the weekend. I could feel a throbbing build up in my left temple, and I moaned as I thought about the headache that was probably settling in. I waited as Lucas opened our locker, and I reached over him to grab my biology textbook. Lucas closed the locker and took my arm. He pulled me closer so that I was half leaning on him. We walked - well he walked, and I was pulled - towards my biology class. When we arrived, he nudged me gently inside. With a wave he walked off, and I turned to face the class all on my own.

I walked towards my seat, and sat down just as the bell ran. I glanced to my left and felt a mixture of relief and disappointment as I saw that the seat was empty. This feeling was somewhat short lived, because when I looked back up, I saw Edward breeze into the classroom. He saw me stare, and flashed me a smile. I looked away in response and pretended to be thoroughly engrossed in my Biology textbook.

"Good morning," Edward said pleasantly

"Morning."

"You weren't at school on Friday."

"No." I replied shortly.

"Out hunting with your friend?"

That caught my attention. Mostly because I was shocked that he would be so open about something that used to be so sensitive to him. I contemplated what I should say, but words escaped me and I only mumbled a 'not really', before turning back towards my textbook. I shifted my body slightly so that he'd get the hint to leave me alone. No such luck.

"Did you have a nice weekend?" he pressed

I pretended to not hear him, instead placing my attention in Mr. Larne's riveting lecture on enzymes. Edward still not getting the hint asked again. I glared at him, slightly annoyed and snapped a response.

"It was nice." I looked up to Mr. Larne glaring down at us.

"Is there a problem here? Mr. Cullen? Miss Masen?"

I blushed, embarrassed at being caught being so rude.

"No, I was just asking Alice about her weekend," Edward replied smoothly.

"Perhaps, if you would like to talk, you could take your conversation elsewhere," he said sternly with a curt nod at both of us.

Really annoyed now, I completely turned my back on Edward. I felt his gaze on me but I didn't look at him again for the entire class.

The rest of the morning passed by without incident and I was grateful when lunchtime finally came around. I headed towards my usual table with a can of Coke that I had bought from the vending machine. I opened it and took a sip, waiting for Lucas to show, I was almost done my Coke when I saw Lucas walk in. He looked positively murderous. He sat down with a crash on the poor defenseless plastic cafeteria chairs.

"What's wrong?"

"This girl in my English class practically peeled out her eyeballs and stuck them on me for the entire morning. She kept starting at me and following me like she was trying to get my image burned into her brain." Lucas seethed.

"You're usually not this mad about admirers'" I commented.

He looked up, past me to the opening cafeteria doors. He moaned and buried his face into his hands.

"She's _here._"

I took a curious glance at the new arrivals.

"Wait. _That_ girl was watching you?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes. Stupid bloodsucking vampire."

I felt a laugh bubble in my throat.

"You happen to be one."

"Not an annoying one," he remarked irritably.

I followed the girl with my eyes, and watched as she and her partner proceeded calmly towards us. I didn't know if I should be happy - but it had been so long since we last talked. _How have you been Alice Cullen?_


	10. 10 It’s Like My Suffering Isn’t Enough

**Author's Note: **Good morning everyone! Here's chapter 10 bright and early. I'm hard at work on chapter 11, so I hope you all contine to enjoy! And keep checking back for Chapter 11. I hope it won't disappoint.

**010. It's Like My Suffering Isn't Enough**

"Hi!" Alice said cheerfully as she plopped herself down next to Lucas. Edward followed suit - albeit more gracefully - and slid into a chair next to me. I tensed up - an automatic reflex - and leaned in closer to Lucas.

"Hello." I replied somewhat stiffly.

"Edward's told me all about you two. It's so rare to find vegetarians like us!" Alice sang chirpily.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch your name… you are?" I trailed off.

She looked at me strangely for a moment before replying. "My name is Alice Cullen. I'm Edward's younger sister."

"Oh. It's nice to meet you." I extended my hand towards her.

She shook it lightly and her eyes flashed towards Edward. Just for a moment, a warning flitted across his eyes.

Edward swung his arm casually behind me, resting it on the back of my chair. I pointedly moved so that I was practically sitting on Lucas.

Lucas who had been silent throughout the entire transaction cut in abruptly.

"I'm sorry. But Alice," he looked at me, "and I have to go now. It was nice talking to you." Even he couldn't keep the irritation out of his voice.

He took my hand and pulled me to my feet and slipped his hand securely into mine. With one last nod at Edward and Alice we both walked out of the cafeteria, not once betraying the turmoil in our minds.

Once we were in the empty hallway, my pretense dropped.

"That was incredibly awkward."

"You know that girl?!" Lucas practically choked at me at the same time.

"Yea, that's Alice. She's the reason why I chose my name."

"Alice was your good friend?"

"Yes. I wonder if she knows…" I said.

"Knows what?"

"Well you know how Edward can read minds…" he nodded, "Well, Alice can see the future. I'm just wondering if she saw my future."

"If she knows your future, then won't Edward have seen through your guise already?"

"I don't know. He acts like he doesn't know me, but I've never seen him so friendly. He usually keeps to himself and his family.

"Perhaps it's the novelty of having new vampires in the neighborhood, and vegetarian to boot."

"Perhaps." I said somewhat uncertainly.

"Don't look so worried. The lines in your face will become permanently etched in." Lucas joked, ruffling my hair.

"You're one to talk. You're practically a relic."

Lucas pouted and messed up my hair some more. He took off in a run, slightly faster than normal and I glared at his rapidly disappearing figure. I took off a second later - but I knew that it was a lost cause. Lucas would always be ahead of me - leading the way.

A few minutes later, I found Lucas sitting in the shade of a large maple tree. I flopped down next to him and growled.

"I hate people messing up my hair." I seethed.

He smiled broadly. "I know."

I mock punched him and he threw himself into a pile of leaves. The leaves made a crackly sound. Lucas spoke lazily from his position.

"So, what are you, like ninety seven years old today?"

"I'm what…?" I said somewhat confusedly.

"It's your birthday today - September 13th right?"

"It's been eighty years! My human birthday doesn't count anymore!"

"I do have to say, you are the most beautiful ninety plus year old on the planet." Lucas teased, completely ignoring my vicious attempts at trying to get him to shut up.

"Why is it, that _my _birthday counts _every year_, but yours doesn't? Come to think of it, I don't even know _when _YOUR birthday is."

"Your birthday counts every year because you're still half human, so your human birthday still counts." Lucas reasoned.

"I have a question for you."

"If I know what the question is, can I not answer?"

"No." I replied adamantly.

He sighed resignedly. "You want to know my theory on why you're 'half human.'"

"Yes."

"I think 'half human' is maybe to general a term. I think it'd make more sense if I said you were mostly vampire with some human traits. What I think happened is that when Victoria bit you her venom couldn't touch your heart because it still loved Edward so much. I'm speaking figuratively here of course, you brain controls your emotion - but I'm thinking that your brain still knew the depth of your feeling, so it continued to sustain your heart with blood. And because blood flows in you, you continued to 'live', so to speak. So even though most of the vampire characteristics metastasized, your heart and brain refused to cooperate. So here you are, a vampire with a heart." he finished.

"So here I am." I repeated. Lucas's reasoning made a lot of sense in a really sad way. Was I so pathetic that I've been longing for Edward for so _long_, that even vampire venom couldn't override it?

"You know, Edward is an idiot for leaving you, you love him so much."

"Loved," I interjected somewhat rudely.

"Right, loved." Lucas amended doubtfully.

The bell rang then, so I got up - brushing of the leaves that clung to me. I extended my hand towards Lucas and pulled him up.

"Let's go," pulling Lucas behind me as I walked back towards the school.

He laughed as he trailed behind me. Curious, I turned to see the joke and was lifted into the air. Lucas had deftly picked me up and was carrying me, at vampire speed towards the school.

"Hey! Appearances!" I yelled.

"You're the one who wants to go to class!" he joked as he placed me gently back down. "Go to class," he murmured - all serious, "Try not to think about our conversation too much." I nodded in delayed consent and by the time I looked back up, Lucas was already gone.


	11. 11 Of Memories Forgotten

**Author's Note: **The text between the lines is part of the story from Edward's POV. I hope it doesn't confuse you too much and that you enjoy this chapter. It was originally supposed to be longer, however, I cut it so this is Chapter 11 and the end of this 'chapter' will be Chapter 12. I hope you all enjoy this and keep checking back for more.

**011. Of Memories Forgotten**

The rest of my classes passed rather sluggishly and all I could concentrate on was the conversation Lucas and I had at lunch. The more I thought about it, the more obvious it seemed.

I gathered my books up as the final bell rang and made my way to my locker. As I approached I was happy to see Lucas waiting for me already, leaning casually to his side.

"Hey"

"You've been thinking about it." Lucas said accusingly.

"You know me too well."

"No, your eyes betray you. Well, you ready to head home?" Lucas said, while handing me my jacket.

"I was thinking, maybe I'd go to the cemetery."

"Would you like me to come with you?"

"I think, that I'll go by myself. I won't be long. I promise."

"Okay," he said, squeezing my hand reassuringly. "I'll be at home waiting for you."

"Goodbye Lucas," I said as he walked away.

I got into the car and smiled. Lucas was so considerate. I started the ignition and back out of our usual space. I drove out onto the street and drove leisurely. I wasn't anxious to get to the cemetery, it was just something I knew I had to see.

I pulled over to the side of the road and turned off the ignition I got out and made my way towards a grave well known.

* * *

Questions flitted through my head as I drove towards the cemetery. Who was this Alice girl? Why did she remind me so much of Bella? My precious Bella. I drove fast and arrived in a few minutes. I slammed the door shut and walked briskly through the gravestones, glancing cursorily at the stones, looking for Bella's name. I gave but swift glances to the older stones, certain that Bella's would be covered with flowers - perhaps from her grandchildren. _I gave her a future . I gave her what she would've never had with me. _

I stopped when I saw a gravestone marked 'Charlie Swan'. The gravestone was clean although the date of death was quite some years ago. There was a sprig of purple freesias laid in front of the stone. I was about to walk on, when I saw an old, dirty stone next to it. The first name was smudged over with dirt but the last name clearly said 'Swan'. With a knot in my stomach, I brushed away the dirt and I felt my heart stop all over again. 'Bella Swan 1987 - 2005'

That meant Bella died a little more than a year after I had left. I felt my carefully crafted façade start to break. What had happened? Before I could ponder these questions further, I could hear footsteps approaching. I glanced quickly behind me and saw that it was Alice. _What is she doing here?_

I hid quickly behind a cluster of trees. Waiting.

* * *

I said a quick hello to Charlie and then turned my attention to the even older stone next to Charlie's - my own.

Seeing the grave with the engraved words weathered with age really brought back the memories of long ago. I closed my eyes and let myself be thrown back into times that I've tried so hard to forget.

"_Charlie! I'm heading out!" I yelled. Jacob had asked me to go out with him and even though I doubted his definition of 'go out', I had happily obliged. I saw Jacob leaning against his Rabbit and I waved happily._

_He pulled me into a crushing hug and I winced slightly._

"_Whoops. Sorry." _

_I rubbed my arms and assured him that I was fine._

_I climbed into his car and sped off towards La Push._

"_So what do you want to do today Bella?" _

_A group of boys outside caught my attention. They were all half clothed and seemed on the verge of jumping off the cliff. And one of them _did._ I screamed. _

"_Jacob! That boy! He just jumped off that cliff!"_

_He laughed and said, "Don't worry, they're cliff diving. We do it all the time in La Push."_

"_Cliff diving? Isn't that an incredibly dangerous sport?"_

"_Not really, this cliff has no rocks at the bottom, it's all water - so if you dive correctly - it's the most amazing feeling in the world."_

"_The most amazing… I know Jacob, let's go cliff diving."_

"_Cliff diving and you?" Jacob practically choked on his own laughter._

"_Yes, please?" I pleaded with him._

_He thought hard for a moment, the area between his eyebrows creased slightly. "Fine, but not at this cliff. I'll take us to a smaller one."_

"_Okay!" I almost fell out of the car, when Jacob did a sharp turn and headed away from La Push._

"_Okay! We're here."_

_We got out of the car and he led me towards a cliff. I thought to myself, _this _is the smaller cliff? I knew that Jacob said that the cliff was small - but it seemed huge. We were easily hundreds of feet above the water. _

"_Scared?" he mocked._

"_No, well not a lot" I amended._

"_Well you ready?"_

"_I just jump? With all my clothes on?"_

"_It's totally fine with me if you strip." Jacob joked_

_I punched him gently - more for my benefit than his - and nodded._

_I poised myself to jump. And Jacob broke in._

"_You're serious aren't you?"_

"_Yep."_

"_At least let me go first." he muttered._

"_Fine."_

_With one last look at me and a graceful leap, he dove off the cliff. I watched him as he plummeted gracefully towards the water below. Taking a deep breath, I flung myself off the cliff._

_The moment was unbelievable. For a moment I forgot all the pain and all the hurt. But only for a moment. It was over and my mind was shattered as I hit the cold water. I felt myself being pushed by the water. I knew I should kick. But I couldn't. I just let the water pull me along and I closed my eyes as the water pulled me deeper in._

_I awoke with water filled lungs. I spurted and turned around, expecting to see Jacob beside me. But what greeted me was far worse than death. Victoria._

_I gripped at the ground and tried to run. But Victoria just laughed at me. _

"_You would be so easy to finish…" she trailed off._

_I figured since she had me, then Jacob must have run away. I was worried that perhaps that he hadn't gotten away, but I didn't want to ask - lest she decided to find him as well._

_She must have caught my fright in my eyes._

_She said soothingly, "Don't worry, I won't kill you just yet, not like your friend - I'll pull this out. Oh, you'll live but not for long."_

_Jacob! _

I couldn't continue anymore. The memories hurt so much. As I came back down to reality I felt the crushing force of my past slowly ebb away. I got up from my position on the ground. The air around me was sweet. It smelled so familiar.

I turned around and gasped. I found myself staring into the dark impenetrable eyes of a vampire.

_Edward._


	12. 12 All That Matters

**Author's Note: **Quick note - the area between the lines is once again Edward's POV. I hope you enjoy this chapter and have as much 'fun' reading it as I did writing it. Happy days. ^^

**012. All That Matters**

I stumbled backwards, reaching for anything, anything at all to hold on to. All I could grasp was thin air. Edward closed the space between us, and whispered. Almost as if he were afraid to speak.

"Be-Bella?"

Without emotion betraying my voice I replied.

"No. Bella died a long time ago." I gestured towards the grave.

"What _are _you?" Edward demanded.

"A vampire" I hesitated slightly on that word, "Just like you."

"How do you know Bella? Did you kill her? Is that why you're here?"

"You think _I _killed Bella?" I said incredulously. "_YOU _left her so many years ago and broke her heart - destroyed her - and you're blaming me for her death?" I spat the words out.

"How do you know all this. My God." He paused and it finally dawned on him. "You _are _Bella."

"No. Bella died a long time ago," my voice cracked on the last word as I collapsed into heaving sobs.

Edward crouched down next to me, but I shrank away. The pain that I had spent all those years trying to repress engulfed me.

"I loved you, Edward. So much more than you can ever imagine."

"It was never supposed to be this way, you were supposed to forget me - forget everything."

"I guess human memories don't fade as fast as you thought." I snarled at him.

"But my Bella -," he started.

"Do_ not _call me that. I am _not _yours."

"How is it that you," he gestured towards the grave, "are here?"

"Because I was changed. And I was pathetic enough to love you so much that my heart continued to beat for you. I am what I am because of what you did to me. I am what I am because of _you._" Spite punctuated my every word.

Edward tried to pull me close to him, but I couldn't see him anymore. The years of loneliness and suffering tearing me apart.

I took a deep breath, and knowing he couldn't know what I was thinking, I ran away - hoping against all hope that he'd be too shocked to follow.

* * *

I watched Bella run away. So she hadn't died, not really. But how did she become one of us? When the only reason I left was to protect her. To protect her soul. To protect her from being a monster like _me._

Bella whom I love so much. For which my dead heart still belongs to. I didn't follow - because clearly she didn't want that. But I knew that whether she wanted it or not, I would never let her go again. No matter how much I know I must - my very name seems to hurt her - I cannot. I hope that she'll believe that my love is true, that even after so long - my love, like hers, has never ended.

* * *

I made it to the car before I finally regained composure. I got in, and drove - fast. I was starting to see why the Cullen's' loved speed so much. It was the perfect way to leave behind everything.

I got home and flung myself out of the car. I ran into the house and straight into Lucas.

He brushed my hair away from my face and looked into my tear stained eyes.

"Oh, Alice." he sighed.

"He was there, Edward - and, it - I - couldn't bear it." I sobbed into Lucas' shirt.

Lucas just stood there, silent. Holding me, knowing that all I needed was to cry out all this pain.

Eventually I did stop. I felt so empty, as if all the pain and hurt that I had stored away had finally left.

"Better?" Lucas asked me softly.

"Thank you."

He pulled me closer and hugged me hard. I let myself give in to his hug. He whispered something so quiet that I was sure I had heard wrong. _I love you. _


	13. 13 Doing What is Right

**Author's Note: **Hopefully this chapter will continue to peak your interests. =) Once again the area between the lines is Edward's POV. Enjoy!

**013. Doing What is Right**

I pulled away from Lucas and looked into his eyes.

"Say it again."

"I didn't say anything."

"Say it again - please," I pleaded.

He looked at me for a long moment. Still holding onto me. His emotions were clearly written across his face. He was distraught - he was fighting with the words he wanted so dearly to say.

"I," he paused, "I love you."

"Oh Lucas…"

"I know that Edward is your partner and he'll always be, but I can't stop this. I've fallen in love with you and I tried so hard not to."

I thought for a long time. What Lucas said was true - Edward had been my perfect partner, but Lucas - he's been here for me for so long. Maybe my heart would always be for Edward, but that was my weak human heart. Now I'm different. And shouldn't I be able to do this? To love another?

I gazed into Lucas's eyes and all I could see was his fierce determination. He really did love me.

I buried myself against and whispered the words that I knew would forever change the course of this relationship. I whispered those words, knowing that the course of my life would never be the same. I whispered for the first time in eighty one years the words that I've kept locked away. _I love you._

The morning the next day was luminous. Maybe it was because it was the first time I've truly opened my eyes to see. I rolled over and landed on top of Lucas.

"Did you lay here all night?"

"No. I just got up here to wake you, but you looked so relaxed, so I let you sleep a little longer."

I touched his cheek gently. He smiled at me and I felt my heart flutter.

"I think this is the first time I've truly seen you."

He caught my hand in his and slowly traced my palm.

"I've always seen you. You are the most beautiful soul that I have ever seen."

"You really love me don't you?"

"Yes."

And that was that, in that simple word I felt happiness wrap around me. I pulled myself towards him and brought my face close to his. My lips hovered on top his for a moment, and then I gave into the sweetest kiss.

Long after we had finished kissing, I could still taste Lucas on my lips. I arrived at school giddy, with Lucas wrapping his arm tightly around my waist. I looked up at him, and couldn't help but feel happy.

"If I had known that you'd be this happy - I wouldn't have played the tortured admirer for so long."

I smiled at him, and he dipped his head close to mine so I could kiss him. I could feel the stares, but honestly I didn't care. For once in my new life I could forget about my past. However, even though the other stares didn't matter - one did. I broke away from the kiss and looked right into Edward's eyes. His eyes were the only betrayal of his true emotion. They flashed with pain before they closed off and he turned around and left.

Lucas saw everything and in response he pulled me closer and together we headed off to class.

* * *

I walked into the school determined to win Bella back. But that wasn't to be. When I walked in, Bella was kissing Lucas. She seemed so much in love that I was completely torn. Ripped from the inside out.

A voice in my head said gloatingly, _this is what you wanted. You wanted her to be with someone else. _I raged back. _Not with _another _vampire!_

With one last look at their blissful happiness I turned around and walked away.

I stormed into the library and ignored the angry glares and mental shouts from the librarians. I knew that if I so much as smiled at them I'd be forgiven. I walked up to the nearest librarian and all but demanded her assistance.

"Where are all the microfiches of newspapers concerning Forks dating from 2005?"

_Oh my god. This boy is gorgeous. Breath. _"2005. Well, there to your left that way and…"

I left before she could finish her sentence. Her mental thoughts were making me sick. I stalked off in the direction she pointed to and found the area easily enough.

I pulled at the drawers and dug through years of useless news. Until I found the ones labeled with '2005'. I placed the first roll into a projector and quickly scanned through page after page. I was on the tenth roll when I finally found what I was looking for.

**ONE DEAD AFTER CLIFF DIVING ACCIDENT**

Forks (Daily News) - Jacob Black (16) was found dead at the bottom of a cliff at La Push. He was last seen with Isabella Swan (18), whose remains have yet to be found. The two were reported missing last weekend. Police say that Isabella's body may have washed away with the current. The funeral service for both teens are to be held this Sunday at La Push First Beach.

The article was short, and I read through it twice. I felt the table shake under me and I realized that I was gripping it so hard, it had almost cracked. I quickly loosened my grip. I pulled the microfiche out and put it back into the drawer. I turned of the projector and walked out. With a curt nod at the librarian who had helped me, I walked out of the library with my past mistakes haunting my every step.

* * *


	14. 14 Maybe I Was Wrong

**Author's Note:** Two chapters in one day! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and hopefully get to understand the story as a whole a bit better. ^^ Enjoy this chapter and continue to enjoy my story (hopefully). Will update soon! Thanks to all the people who reviewed. =D

**014. Maybe I Was Wrong**

Lunch was a muted affair. Lucas and I sat together in our usual spot. I was half napping on him, when I saw Alice head over to us.

"Bella."

"No. It's Alice." I corrected.

"Right, Alice. Have you seen Edward?"

"No."

She walked right over to me and pulled me up. "I need you to come with me. Right now."

I hesitated and looked to Lucas. He seemed to be at a loss - just as much as I was.

"I'm taking you with or without his permission." Alice threatened.

Sensing that I shouldn't argue, I followed Alice. She drove like a maniac for twenty minutes before arriving at her intended destination - the Cullen residence.

I looked at the house for a long moment. It had been awhile since I had seen it and it was just as impressive as I had remembered it.

She yanked me out of the car and pushed me somewhat roughly into the house. She all but dragged me to Edward's room, despite my protests.

"Look," was all she said.

And I did look. At first glance Edward's room looked unchanged, but as I looked closer I saw that everywhere there were minute changes. Pictures tacked onto the walls of me and Edward, his CD case was lined with CD after CD of his compositions - all dedicated and written for me.

"What is this?" I stuttered.

"Edward loves you." Alice stressed the word 'loves', "He left because he thought it was best. How could you hurt him like this?"

"Maybe because I've finally let go? I waited for him and he never came back for me." I said in a harsh voice.

"How do you know? How do you know he never came back?" Alice challenged.

"He… came back?"

"Everyday for a year - from the day he left you."

"Why did he stop?" my voice came out in a whisper.

"Because he knew that if he continued to do it, he'd never be able to protect you. He knew that if he came anymore he'd lose his resolve and return to you. He suffered as much as you did Bella. He suffered just as much."

"Do you know what I am? I'm a freak, because _I _loved him so much. My heart still beats for him…" I paused, "But Lucas _loves _me. He's the one who saved me. I can't hurt him like this."

"Do you love him?"

"I love him." I said with a note of finality.

"Who? Lucas or Edward." Alice challenged.

"I love _Lucas_" I said through my teeth.

"Do you really? How can you see all this and still think that Edward doesn't love you? How can you see all this and live with the fact that you truly love _Edward _and not Lucas?"

"I _LOVE _Lucas!" I screamed at her.

"No. You don't. You love the idea of Lucas, but he'll never be your soul mate. Edward was made for you. You can't change destiny."

With a glare at her I said quietly. "I didn't change destiny, Edward did when he left all those years ago. This is my life now. I love Lucas and he loves me. We're going to be happy forever. Edward no longer concerns me, and if you and your family should decide to stay here then Lucas and I will leave." I walked out then leaving Alice behind.

I saw Esme and Carlisle at the bottom of the stairs and they reached out to me.

"No. Please." I said before leaving. I walked to the edge of their property before calling Lucas.

He arrived with the car and we drove home in silence. As I got out of the car, I only said two things before going to my room. _We're leaving._


	15. 15 When The Illusion Shatters

**Author's Note: **Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. ^^ I'll try to keep up on updates. And I hope you all continue to read my story and review! ^^

**015. When The Illusion Shatters**

I woke up early the next day. Before the sun had risen. I grabbed my bags and started to shove everything inside. Lucas walked in surveying the damage.

"Do you really want to leave?"

"Yes."

Lucas was behind me now and his hand rested on my shoulder. He spun me around and looked me in the eyes.

"Is this what you really want."

"I… yes. I cannot be here any more."

"You're running away from your fears again. I thought you got past that. What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid. I just don't want to be here anymore. Can't I want a change of scenery? I hate all this rain. If you want to stay, then please - do." I pushed him out of my room and slammed the door shut. I continued with my whirlwind of packing. I stuffed all my clothes and belongings haphazardly into four duffel bags. I surveyed my room which was left with only the furniture and various knick knacks that I could always replace.

I picked up the last duffel bag and threw it at my bed. I missed, however and the bag fell to the floor with a loud bang. But the sound was off. It sounded hollow. Curious, I bent down to check. I pried the floorboard loose and what I found caused my heart to skip a beat. _The CD. The pictures. Edward._

I picked up the age old photos - yellowed with age. I smoothed out the edges and studied them intently. The first picture was that of Edward The very first picture I ever took of him. I remembered back to that day and how I thought that perhaps he wouldn't photograph, and smiled slightly to myself.

The second picture was of Edward and Charlie. Seeing Charlie again was heartbreaking. I could feel myself starting to tear up. The tears slid down and stained the edge of the photo. I wiped at it and brushed away my tears. I put that photo down quickly.

The final photo was that of Edward and myself. I unfolded the age old crease that had had formed and traced the faces lightly. The picture was the worst representation of what had been. He looked so distant - as if he'd stopped loving me a long time ago, and I looked afraid. Not of him - never of him - but of the change that I saw coming.

Looking once more at the three pictures, I gathered them up and stuffed them into my bag. Joining the bag was the CD with my lullaby. I picked up the bags and made my way downstairs.

Lucas was leaning at the entryway - waiting.

"Is this what you want? Is it truly what you want to do?"

"Yes."

"If it is, then we will leave - right now."

"This is not what you want." I stated plainly.

"No, nor is it what you want. We're not leaving because you don't want to leave - you're just acting like a selfish child. You can't always run away from things you'd rather not face."

He broke the space between as and pulled me into his arms. I dropped the duffel bags and stood there - unresponsive.

"I love you, and my feelings are true. But are yours? Or are you afraid that with Edward knowing who you really are your feelings will change?"

"My feelings are true." I said fiercely.

"We shall see, won't we?" Lucas said quietly.

I broke away from him and picked up my bags. I stalked back up to my room and threw my bags in the corner. I threw myself back into bed and fell into a troubled sleep.

* * *

For the first time in over eighty years, I watched a girl sleep. Be- Alice, seemed restless tossing and turning without rest. For fear of being caught, I crept to the darkest corner of her room. I had just settled in when I heard my name.

"Edward."

Waves of shock coursed through me, smothering me in my dark memories. But also bringing back memories that I would rather die than forget. Of that night when Bella whispered her name in my dreams.

I continued to watch her - trying to puzzle out her dreams.

"Edward, Edward… don't leave. Please…it hurts please…" she mumbled, and I saw tears stream down her face. Her hands were clenched at her sides and her knuckles white and her hair splayed across the white pillow.

I bit my hand trying to keep back my scream. I couldn't see her suffer like this, but I couldn't intrude back into her life like nothing has happened. So like a coward I left.

I faded into the shadows - waiting for daybreak.

* * *

I woke up tangled in my sheets and trenched in tears. Tears? I thought back to that night. Oh. Right. I was reliving the day Edward left. I'm such an idiot. I untangled myself form the sheets and pulled myself out of bed. I gave Lucas a brief hello as I walked past his room.

"Don't be mad at me!" he yelled.

"I'm not," even thought I was blatantly lying.

"Don't lie either!"

"Just leave me alone. I'm mad - what's it to you?" In an instant he was at my side, he brushed my hair and tried to plead with me.

"Don't be mad," he said again.

"I'm not." I said grumpily.

He kissed me then - morning breath and all - and I felt my anger dissipate. I kissed him back gently but something felt wrong. The whole time all I could hear were Alice's words from the day before. _You love the idea of Lucas, but he'll never be your soul mate. Edward was made for you. You can't change destiny. _

Lucas pulled away and said brusquely, "I think we should go now, we're already late for school."

I mumbled a reply and quickly got ready. The drive was a silent one and when we got to school he walked me to my glass and gave me a quick kiss before leaving without a word.


	16. 16 I Couldn't Even If I Tried

**Author's Note: **Thank you so much for reading and reviewing everyone! I've already outlined the rest of this story - however I'm convinced that now it's too short. Perhaps I'll make it longer? We shall see. Thanks again everyone and enjoy! Keep checking back for more!

**016. I Couldn't Even If I Tried**

I was about to head into class when a cold hand grabbed me. I turned around expecting to see Lucas but instead looked into deep, black eyes.

"Edward," I breathed.

"Come with me." He pulled me along with little effort.

"Let me _go._" I struggled against his grasp, trying to yank myself free.

"No." He gritted his teeth.

When he finally stopped, he let go of me.

"Get in."

"No." I crossed my arms. "I don't want to."

"If you don't get in out of your own free will, I'll forcefully carry you," he threatened.

I glared at him, but I listened, and got into the car.

He drove like a maniac to the edge of the forest. He parked and pulled me out. He flipped me onto his back in one deft motion and ran. I closed my eyes the entire time, resolving to ignore him when we finally stopped.

And we did stop. At the meadow of all places.

He placed me gently onto the grass and relaxed his rigid stance - slightly. I glanced at his face.

"You're thirsty," I commented.

"Yes," he said quietly.

"Did you bring me here to eat me?"

"No!" He sounded tortured. "I'm here, I brought you here because I want to understand."

"There's nothing to say."

"Please." he pleaded. "Tell me - who bit you?"

I was silent for a moment. Torn between hurt and revenge. I wanted him to suffer. To feel the pain that I felt. Even though I didn't doubt Alice's declaration of Edward's love and suffering, a small part of me wanted him to suffer more than me.

"Victoria." I said shortly.

He snarled. "Victoria? Why?"

"She wanted me to suffer," I said simply. "When you left me all those years ago, Victoria found out I was alone. She hunted me and I was all for welcoming death. But she saw that, and since her goal was to make me suffer, she refined her plan. She relished the fact that I would be in pain forever so she changed me into an immortal. But even though the venom spread, my heart did not stop…" I trailed off.

"Because of me." he finished.

"Because of you."

"Will you forgive me?"

"I - don't know." I confessed. "I think seeing you again really made me understand that I should have moved on a long time ago. Lucas loves me, and he's good to me."

"But do you love him?" he pressed.

"I do."

"Then, you deserve your happiness. I won't bother you further." he said with a hint of sadness.

I couldn't bear this. "Maybe - maybe, we can be friends."

"Maybe." He extended his hand and I took it. He ran with me back to the car and he drove us back to school.

I exited and he nodded to me. "Goodbye." I waved slightly at him as he drove off.


	17. 17 When Trust Isn't Enough

**Author's Note: **Hey readers! I know I have an extremely erratic posting schedule, and I apologize for that. I try to post in the mornings before school, but I sometimes don't wake up early enough - causing me to post later in the day. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's much longer than Chapter 16 and I think it's a pretty good chapter. Look foward to Chapter 18!

**017. When Trust Isn't Enough**

"Alice." I whipped around at the sound of my voice. I saw Lucas standing slightly behind me. He seemed afraid to come near me.

"Lucas." I said slowly. "Edward - he just wanted to talk."

"I see. Are you okay?"

"Yes." I walked closer to him and placed my hand in his. "I just wanted him to understand that my love belongs to _you _now. I love you Lucien Malone."

He held my hands tightly in response. "I love you so much. But if you're not sure, I would never blame you."

"But I am sure." To prove my words, I kissed him. I let all of myself into this kiss, forgetting everything else. He reciprocated and we stood there for a moment before breaking off.

"I was thinking maybe we could head up to Port Angeles." he paused. "So we can go on a date. A real one."

"Right now?" I asked surprised.

"Yes." he said, embarrassment coloring his voice.

"Okay." I smiled at him and he walked with me towards the car.

We got in and he drove at a normal pace. I watched the passing scenery thinking of the first time I saw Forks. As the vegetation got less green, and more industrialized, Lucas drove a bit faster. We made it to Port Angeles in under forty minutes.

"What do you want to do?" I asked curiously.

"I was thinking maybe a stroll down the boardwalk and then a nice dinner?" he said nervously.

"Sounds great," I said enthusiastically and hooked my arm into his. We walked down the boardwalk, conscious of all the whispers we attracted. All the girls looked envious of me and I couldn't help but giggle to Lucas.

"They look like they want to murder me." I said jokingly.

"Well, it's not my fault I don't fall in love with the exterior appearance of a girl," he scoffed.

"I'm glad you fell in love with me."

He looked down at me and smiled gently. "I'm glad I could tell you how I feel."

By now, we were walking on the beach, and I was glad that the sky was cloudy. The seagulls in the air above us squawked loudly and the waves splashed pleasingly against the sand of the beach.

I bent down, cupping a handful of sand. I let the sand run through my fingers and I smiled at the feeling. It had been so long since I've been to a beach.

The sun had almost set, and I stood back up. I brushed my hands against the side of my jeans and poked Lucas.

"I know you're a vampire and all, and food is readily available…" I stopped, "But I think because I really haven't eaten in awhile, my eyes aren't exactly a comforting sight."

He glanced at me, and laughed. "True that. You look like a creeper."

I punched him and he laughed again. "Come on," he said, "Let's finish this date and go have dinner."

"Okay."

We walked back up towards the more touristy part of town. And I asked him where we were going for dinner.

"Some Italian place, I hear they have really good food. I wouldn't know though from personal experience."

"Of course not."

He stopped in front of a familiar looking eatery and it took me a moment to realize why it was so familiar. It was the restaurant that Edward and I had our 'first date', over eighty years ago. _Damn - their pasta wasn't that good._

The waitress ushered us to our seats, making sure that Lucas was getting her undivided attention.

"What can I get you?" she asked Lucas.

"Nothing for me," he looked at me.

"Uhm. A Coke." She barely nodded at me. She returned quickly and whipped out her notepad again.

"Can I interest you in anything to eat?"

"No." Lucas said again, and looked pointedly at me.

She begrudgingly peeled her eyes away from Lucas and asked me shortly, "And you?"

"Uh, a mushroom ravioli. Thanks."

"Sure." she muttered, with one last flirtatious glance at Lucas.

"Do you ever miss eating?"

"Not really, it's been so long since I've actually eaten real food that I've quite forgotten the taste of it."

"Really?"

"Well, almost. Isabella used to make the most amazing strawberry tarts. I will always remember the taste of them. We would pick the berries fresh and then head back to her kitchen to make them. We always ended with more flour in our hair then necessary."

"But, weren't you a vampire by then?" I said quietly.

"Yes. And food does taste horrible to us, but I think after eating it for so long, and knowing how much love went into making them, they were delicious to me. I didn't taste it so much as remember the smell, and the taste from before I was changed."

"That's really romantic. I remember Edward telling me food for you taste like dirt. Worse than dirt in fact."

Lucas laughed at that and started to say something, when the waitress returned with my dinner.

"Mushroom ravioli," she muttered. And then turning to Lucas she gave him her most beguiling smile, "Anything I can get for you?"

"No. I'm fine. Thank you," Lucas said with a smile.

I dug in and smiled. "You almost made her faint you know."

He laughed again, and I reveled in the happiness of the moment. The mushroom ravioli was quite good, but not as good as I had remembered it to be. I finished it quickly nonetheless, and declined dessert. We left the restaurant and headed back to the car.

In the car, we continued to chat about the most mundane things. We talked about everything from under the sun. From his exciting past to our promising future together. He held my hand as he drove and I held on tight. In the back of mind however, like poison, Alice's voice still haunted me. I struggled to shake it off, wanting to concentrate on how well things were going. As we drove past a convenience store, I told Lucas to stop. I needed to pick up some drinks and food, as the cupboard and pantry at home were depressingly bare. As I got out of the car I noted Lucas' dark black eyes.

"Go hunt." I said. "I can make it home on my own. It's not that far."

"But…" he started, "it's getting late."

"I'm a big girl now," I teased, "I can make it home. Go. Hunt. Before you do something you'll regret."

"I can't believe you have so little faith in my self control," he pouted. But I could see he desperately needed to hunt. I counted in my head mentally, how many days had it been since he last hunted?

I waved goodbye to him as he reluctantly drove off. I walked into the store and quickly bought everything I needed. As I headed out, my head was a jumble of the events of the previous week.

I started to cross the street and then realized that I dropped a loaf of bread. I turned around to pick it up, making sure that the light was still red. As I bent down to pick it up, I heard a screech. I stood up and the last thing I remembered was a bright, white light blinding me, before everything became darkness.


	18. 18 Darkness Visible

**Author's Note: **I hope you enjoy this chapter and look forward to the next one. =) Thanks everyone for continuing to read my fic, and I hope you all continue to enjoy! ^^

**018. Darkness Visible**

"Bella."

"What." I groaned. I felt like my head was being repeatedly smashed against a wall.

"Bella…"

"WHAT!" I yelled, forcing my eyes open. When I saw who was calling, I almost fainted all over again.

"Dad!" I thought for a moment. "Oh, if you're here… then, am I dead?"

"No," he laughed, "At least not yet."

"Not yet." I said dryly. "So, what happened?" I rubbed my head, trying to dispel the pain.

"You were hit by a car," he said frankly.

"A car." I repeated. "Are you sure I'm not dead?"

"Positive."

I relaxed slightly at that. "I miss you Dad."

"Me too sweetie, me too." And he pulled me into a very un-Charlie like hug.

"I'm sorry Dad." I said belatedly. Over eighty years late.

"For what?" he asked confused.

"For leaving… for not being at your funeral… for everything." I said.

"Aw Bells," he ruffled my hair, "All children grow up and leave home, granted they usually call home, but I knew you weren't dead. A dad knows, so don't worry. I forgive you, only because you won't stop worrying about it until I do," he laughed.

I laughed with him and joked, "I hope you've eaten well these past few decades…"

"I have," he laughed, "lots of instant."

"Dad!" I exclaimed.

"Kidding, the food's pretty good, I'm good," he said, "but how are you?"

"Stressed. I'm a vampire just so you know, that's why I look like this," I gestured at myself. "Even though it's been over eighty years." I laughed. "I met the most amazing boy, his name is Lucas and he's been so great to me…"

"How about Edward? Did you ever see him again?" Charlie interrupted.

"Yes, he came back," I said vaguely, "I'm living in your house right now," I said trying to throw him off - it worked.

"Oh really? Did it change a lot?" He asked - excited.

"When Lucas and I came back…" I started.

"You're living with a boy together under my roof?" Charlie roared at me.

"Well kind of, vampires like to stick together," I mumbled, "Anyway," I began again, "the house was pretty run down when I got back, so I was able to buy it for cheap. It hasn't been lived in since you left. A lot of the old furniture is still there. When I bought the house, the locals kept talking about the ghost that haunts the place - that's why nobody ever bought it."

"The ghost being you?" Charlie guessed.

"Yep. The death of the previous occupant's daughter is said to haunt the house until her body is found." I told him in all seriousness.

"Good thing you came back then - ghosts are the last things that Forks needs to house."

"You look different," Charlie said slowly, "Too pretty."

"Hey!" I punched him lightly, "I'm only part vampire, I'm not pretty at all."

"Part vampire? What does that mean?"

"Faulty with my heart. It's no big deal." I said offhandedly.

"So anyway, I'm living at home now and attending high school for the umpteenth time." I finished.

"Some life you have there," Charlie commented.

"Yea, how's your - uh, life been?" I asked awkwardly.

"I miss you a lot, but it's a fishing paradise for me here. It's great, I fish and watch sports all day. And in the evening I visit with Renee and Phil, and the Blacks…" he trailed off.

"The Blacks, how is Jacob?" I said quietly.

"It wasn't your fault Bells, Jacob doesn't blame you," Charlie said quietly, reading the expression of suffering that must have been painted right across my face.

"How can he not? He's dead at sixteen - and it's all my fault." I exclaimed, tears spilling over.

"He's pretty happy here, you don't have to worry about him. Don't feel guilty all the time either. He understands."

"Regardless of that Dad, can you please tell Jacob I love him and I'm so sorry for everything."

"Okay, but like I said he already forgives you."

Anxious to get away from more self pitying, I asked Charlie quickly, "If I'm not dead - then what am I doing here?"

"You're in limbo. It's a place where you still have a choice. You can come with me, or you can go back," he moved closer to me.

"I can't choose. I don't know!" I said desperately. "I want to be with you Dad, and I want to see mom, and Jacob…"

"I know Bells, but we're your past, don't you think it's time to live out your future?"

"My future is forever Dad. I don't know when I'll get to see you again. Dying isn't exactly the easiest thing to do."

"Aw Bella, I'll always be here, and so will your mom and Jacob. We're here forever, no matter how long you live."

"But all the people I love are with you."

"From what I can tell, you love Lucas quite a bit, and what's more it seems that you still love Edward."

"No! I barely mentioned him at all!" I protested.

"Exactly, you're not exactly the most vocal about the people you love the most. I mean, you really talked about me!"

"I don't love Edward anymore." I insisted stubbornly.

"If you say so. But all that none withstanding, you have to decide soon. I have to head back." Charlie said apologetically.

"I don't know!" I said exasperatedly. My headache was getting worse the more I had to think.

"I think you've made your decision." Charlie said, pulling me into a quick hug. With one last look, he disappeared, leaving me alone in the dark.

I curled up into a ball, clutching my throbbing head.

"Crap. I hate this." I moaned.

In my head I was running through all the reasons why life would have been better if I had followed Charlie.

"Because you wouldn't have to face your fears," the voice in my head reminded me helpfully.

"Great, I'm going crazy too. I'm so going to end up in a nuthouse when I wake. Or at least intense therapy." I muttered to myself.

"Come back to us, Bella." I looked up. Surprised to hear my name for the second time that day. "_Serious _therapy," I muttered again.

I followed the voice. _Come back to us, Bella. _until I reached another place - even darker than the place prior.

_Bella._ I walked one step forward and was instantly swallowed by the darkness. When I finally stopped, I was attacked with a second white light. This was even more painful than the first, because it didn't fade.

"Bella," Carlisle said, relief in his voice. "Welcome back."

_Time to face my fears._


	19. 19 Moments of Clarity

**Author's Note: **I want to APOLOGIZE for the delayed post! For some reason I couldn't log onto this site, and believe me I was incredibly frustrated that I couldn't post. D= I hope you'll all forgive me in this delay that was beyond my control and enjoy Chapter 19. I hope that this chapter clears things up for you, and you all continue to read and keep checking back! ^^

**019. Moments of Clarity**

"Carlisle!"

"Bella, or do you prefer Alice…" he paused.

"Just call me Bella," I said quietly, rubbing my head. Honestly with this headache I didn't care what he called me.

"Do you know where you are?" he asked.

I glanced around quickly and said, "the hospital?"

"Yes, I managed to pull some strings and I'll be your attending physician. No one is allowed in here except me, and whoever has clearance. As you may know, your circumstances are a bit unique."

"Unique?"

"You didn't break anything, even though the crash was significant, but you did suffer a concussion."

"Great, I thought I left all of that behind when I changed," I moaned quietly.

"About that, I know you aren't feeling the greatest, but I'm already pushing my time with you - your friend - is waiting to burst into here."

"Lucas." I said softly. "Oh he's going to be so _mad. _I told him I'd be fine to walk home!"

"You'll be fine in no time, you'll feel sore for about two weeks, but you'll be fine after that. As I was saying, can you tell me how you're not full vampire?" he asked cautiously, curiosity radiating from his every word.

"I loved Edward too much."

"That's truly amazing…" he trailed off.

"Truly pathetic." I retorted.

"Bella," he said quietly, "Edward suffered the moment he decided leaving was the only way to protect you."

"Why is it always Edward's choice? Where was my choice in this? Where?"

"I want to tell you something, because Edward would never tell you," Carlisle continued softly.

His patience was really starting to irk me, and I gripped the sheets. He noticed my tension and told me to relax, or I'd aggravate my injuries.

"These past eighty or so years have been the worst of Edward's life, and I should know. I've seen him almost all his life. When we left, we moved to Maine for a few decades and then relocated Alaska for the next few to live with the Denali clan. They were very hospitable considering our situation. It became almost unbearable to live with Edward. He was moody, he rarely talked, and all he did was play his music endlessly. I think in his way it was a form of self punishment. He figured that if you weren't happy, he didn't deserve to be happy. You have to know he loves you so much, and it literally tore his mind to pieces to leave you. Rosalie and Emmett love Edward they do, but they couldn't stand living around him anymore - they live with the Denali clan now, but they feel so guilty for leaving and they try to visit. Alice stuck it through and of course Esme and I would never dream of leaving Edward. Ever since coming back here, things have been a lot better. I think just the very presence of you relaxes him. I know he still battles with himself to leave you alone, but I think you should know, he tries. He really does…" Carlisle trailed off.

"What happened to Jasper?" I asked, confused. "He would never leave Alice…"

"That's the strangest thing, Jasper just left. We don't know why, and we have no idea where he is. Alice never saw it in her visions and Edward never heard it in his mind. He left almost a decade ago, and we haven't seen him since. Alice spends most of her time looking for him."

"Oh," I said. Most of what Carlisle said made it through, but my head was still pounding and I was having a lot of trouble concentrating.

"I'm sorry for piling all of this on you. You should rest now, I'll tell Lucas that he can visit tomorrow," Carlisle said gently.

"Yes," I mumbled. "Tomorrow. I'll see him tomorrow. Tell Edward I love him and I'll see him tomorrow." The words escaped me subconsciously. "Lucas. Please Carlisle. I meant Lucas." I corrected myself.

"Yes, of course," Carlisle said. With one last look at me, he left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

"Good morning Bella," Carlisle said cheerfully. "Would you like Lucas to visit now? Or would you like to get dressed and meet him in the hospital gardens?"

"Gardens." I said. I needed time to recollect myself, and to think of a good apology.

Dressing took three times as long and I struggled to pull my shirt over my head. The soreness was a lot less than yesterday, and my head was no longer pounding. I finished dressing and pushed the call button. Carlisle was at my side in an instant. He proffered his hand and I placed mine gingerly into his. With a firm grasp on him, he led me out towards the gardens and near a bench. He settled me down and told me Lucas would be there shortly.

"Hey."

I looked up to see Lucas looking at me worriedly.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better." I said.

"I'm never leaving you out of my sight again." Lucas said gruffly.

"I'm sorry about that - I guess my bad luck is returning," I said apologetically.

"You think I'm mad at you?" Lucas asked incredulously.

"You should be." I said.

"I'm not! You silly girl. I'm mad at myself, for letting blood thirst get in the way of me protecting you!"

"Oh Lucas," I said, leaning my head on his shoulder. "You shouldn't be mad at yourself. This is _not _your fault. It's my own idiocy"

He placed his arm gently over my shoulders and murmured, "I'm glad you're okay. I would never forgive myself if you died."

"I can't die - remember?" I said jokingly, not revealing how close I _had _been to dying.

"Imagine my surprise when I come home to a phone with over fifty voicemails. All saying that you were _unconscious._ I kept imagining the worst. That maybe your last memory would be of me leaving you."

"If I were to die, my last memory would never be that." A soft cough interrupted us. I looked up and saw Edward standing a few feet away.

Lucas eased his arm away and stood up. He walked stiffly towards Edward and said politely, "I want to thank you. Carlisle said if you hadn't taken her to the hospital as fast as you did, she would've been dead."

"I was passing by and I heard the drivers thoughts. There is no need to thank me." Edward replied, equally polite.

"Nonetheless, thank you."

"You're welcome. I was wondering if I could have a few moments alone with Bella?"

"Alice," Lucas corrected immediately.

"No, it's fine. Call me Bella." I protested from my seat.

Lucas glanced at me in surprise. "Would you like to talk to him?"

"Yes, if you don't mind." I said meekly.

"Alright then." With one last look at the both of us he walked away - giving us our privacy.


	20. 20 No Matter What

**Author's Note: **I hope you enjoy this chapter and keep looking forward to new updates. **And to clarify - This is a story about Bella. This story is a continuation of what I wanted to have happened if Edward hadn't come back in New Moon, and Stephenie Meyer hadn't written Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. Bella calls herself "Alice Masen." However, at this point in the story, she tires of it, because everyone already knows what happened. So she is being called 'Bella' again.** I hope this clears up any confusions. =D

**020. No Matter What**

"Bella," Edward began softly.

"I assume you know that Carlisle told me?"

"Yes, about that…" he began awkwardly.

"It doesn't change anything," I began quietly. "I know how much you love me, I do, but that doesn't mean anything anymore."

"How can it not?" he asked brokenly.

I stood up then, to face him. And he tried to get me to sit back down, but I ignored him.

"I loved you, and I used to miss you _every single day_."

Edward started to speak but I cut him off.

"No, let me finish," I continued, "But one day, I just stopped missing you. You used to be my life, but you're not anymore, don't you understand that?"

"Bella, I…"

"I don't doubt that our love is the greatest - that you would've been the perfect choice. But you're not the only choice anymore. Lucas loves me, and he will always be there for me. He is the best choice."

"The best choice for who Bella? The best choice for who?"

"The best choice for me. You are my _past_, Edward, and I have to stop living in that. Lucas - he's my future. I think maybe all of us have to let go of what was, and live for what is."

"I'll never let you go, unless it's what you want."

"The first time you asked me that in the meadow I was unsure, but now I'm positive. It is what I want. Lucas is what I want. I think that we cannot continue to be friends."

"Bella…"

"I'm sorry Edward, really I am. But this - this has taught me that I have to let go. Of you - of the past."

"So you're going to forget everything? Just like that."

"It wasn't so hard for you to leave me was it? It's my turn to leave _you._" Every word that I said cut through me. I was hurting myself as much as I knew that I was hurting him. This was for the best though. _The best for who?_

"Let me help you back to your room," Edward said emotionlessly, all pain cleared from his eyes. His eyes were black and guarded.

I placed my hand gently into his and said, "I thank you for saving me, but I'm sorry that I didn't give you the answer that you wanted."

"I love you Bella," he whispered.

"I know. And I'm sorry for that. But I've moved on - it's time you did as well," I replied gently.

"I'll never stop loving you," he vowed.

"This is the only way." I said softer than a whisper. I brushed my lips softly against his cheek and headed back towards my hospital room. I walked as fast as I could, hoping that Edward wouldn't see the tears streaming down my face.

I had my emotions under control by the time I reached the room, and I made sure that my feelings did not show to Lucas. He looked up at me, and smiled. He didn't pry, and helped me into my bed. I was grateful for that.

"Did you see this?" he asked waving a newspaper at me.

"No. What is it?"

"It says here that five people have disappeared in Port Angeles and two have disappeared in Forks."

"Oh no."

"I think it's the work of a vampire - a very thirsty one. This is too close for comfort, we have to think of a way to get rid of them."

"Who do you think is doing this?" I asked.

"I don't know, but it can't be the Cullens right?"

"No. Never."

"Let's worry about this tomorrow. Dr. Cullen said you can leave today."

"Oh. Good," I said. Lucas picked me up in his arms.

"I can walk." I said grumpily.

"I'd rather you not, until we are safe at home."

Leaning into his chest I realized that it wasn't moving.

"You're not breathing?!" I gasped.

"Well, of course not, as a general rule, hospitals and vampires are not exactly the best combination to have."

"Lucas! I'm so sorry! It completely slipped my mind. This must be beyond uncomfortable for you. Please, I can get home myself."

"I've heard that before. There's no way. I'll take you home first, and then once I see that you are well protected, than I'll go hunt."

"Promise?"

"Yes," was all he said, before we headed out towards the car.

The ride was a smooth one, and I had a suspicion that Lucas was intentionally avoiding every pothole and bump in the road in order to make my journey more comfortable.

He carried me up the stairs and tucked me into bed.

"I'm not a child," I whined.

"I know," Lucas said smiling, "But this is nice."

"Yes." I said grudgingly. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you."

"How can I be anything but?" He bent down and kissed me softly on my forehead.

"I must hunt, but I will be back as soon as I can. Please don't do anything but sleep." He looked pained.

"I promise."

He seemed almost unable to tear himself away, but after a few more moments with me, he left.

I settled into a deep sleep, waiting for Lucas to come back.


	21. 21 Any Other Way

**Author's Note: **I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'll update ASAP. =) Thank you for all the reviews! They are all greatly appreciated.

**021. Any Other Way**

"Wake up."

"Not yet." I groaned with my eyes closed and my mind still fogged up with dreams.

"Bella."

_Bella? _Why would Lucas call me Bella? And - with a peek at my clock - why is he home so fast? I held my breath in fear and slowly turned around. What I saw was enough to let me forget all my fear - whether it was intentional or not.

"Jasper," I breathed, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Hello Bella," he grinned, his teeth flashing white in the dark room.

Although I was happy to see Jasper, something wasn't right. Didn't Carlisle say that Jasper left a long time ago _without _Alice?

I peered closer at Jasper and gasped when I saw the difference in him. His eyes glowed a brilliant red. I took an involuntary movement back. In my mind I was running through a hundred ways to run.

"Relax, Bella." And the tension and fright that I felt dissipated.

"As long as you do as I say, everything will be fine."

"Everything will be fine." I echoed.

"Yes," and he smiled.

In my mind I was going through more ways of distracting him. Because even though I felt calm, I knew it was due to Jasper's manipulations. There was something different about him. He wasn't the Jasper I used to know.

"Why did you leave Alice?"

His eyes clouded over and he pursed his mouth together.

"I'm just curious," I prompted him.

"I could no longer conform to their lifestyle. I gave Alice a choice, and she chose to stay. It was in no part my fault."

"But you were doing so well…"

"Not well enough," he replied curtly.

I needed more time. I needed to stall until Lucas got back. There was no way I could fight Jasper, I knew that much. He was much bigger for one thing, and coupled with the fact that he used to be a vampire mercenary, I had no chance.

"You smell off, not like you used to, well of course not, considering you'd be dead if you were still a human, but yet you don't smell like a vampire either," Jasper commented.

"About that…" I trailed off, uncertain how to answer.

"I guess its for the best regardless, no temptation to start feasting," he joked darkly.

"Oh," I said faintly, "We wouldn't want that now would we."

Jasper was really starting to freak me out aside from the calm that I was feeling. There had to be a reason why he was here, and it couldn't possibly be for anything good.

"So, uh, why are you here exactly?" I asked awkwardly.

"Well, I'm here to take you somewhere."

"Take me somewhere?" I asked confusedly.

"Yes. I'd appreciate it if you'd follow me, instead of me taking you against your will," Jasper said in a pleasant voice.

"What if I say no?"

"Well, you're coming with me whether you want to or not," he said calmly. He reached his hand out toward me.

I was out of distractions and my last option was to scream. I pulled in a deep breath, but all that came out was air.

Jasper smiled softly at me. "It's no use. No matter what you do."

There was no doubt that he could feel the fear that was sending waves through my body.

I tried one last pathetic attempt at a scream, but this time something did come out. A startled squeak, as I was bundled up in stone cold arms and pressed against a cold chest. My body fit against him perfectly - there was no doubt who had come to my rescue. _Edward._

It took me a moment to take in the scene. Alice stood frozen next to Edward. I was all but crushed against him. He looked at me briefly before putting me down. He made a defensive snarl at Jasper, but Jasper was too preoccupied with looking at Alice to notice.

"Jasper."

Even though no emotion betrayed her, it was evident in her voice how much she missed Jasper, and how happy she was to see him.

"Alice," Jasper said quietly.

"When I saw you come back, I thought you were coming home, but when your future disappeared…"

Jasper snarled. "You've been watching my future?"

Edward took a step towards Jasper. His face was twisted into an expression of anger.

"Of course she watches your future, she worries so much about you!"

Alice interjected, "Edward, please. I'm sorry Jasper, it's just that, I'm become so attuned to you…"

Jasper's expression softened immediately.

"I'm sorry Alice, I was just surprised that's all."

Edward was slightly more relaxed, and the both of us had all but melted into the background.

"Why did you leave?" Alice said in a pained whisper.

"The blood. I couldn't resist anymore. You knew that Alice."

"I know, but if you held on just a little longer…"

"I wanted you to come with me."

"I couldn't," she murmured, "Human blood is not the way I want to live. It isn't for you either Jasper, please - come back with us."

His eyes softened, and in the dark night, I could see that Alice's words were pulling him in. He seemed to be struggling internally, and Edward's face was a mask of concentration. Suddenly, Edward's face went smooth. And he whispered to himself. _Welcome back._

Jasper extended his arms towards Alice, and she bounded into his arms. They embraced for a long moment, before breaking apart.

"I want to come back. I miss you so much Alice," Jasper said, his voice full of emotion.

"I missed you too," Alice replied, entwining her fingers into his.

Edward stepped away from me and nodded briefly at me.

"I'm sorry for intruding, It's just that Alice saw Jasper come here before his future disappeared…" he said apologetically.

"You don't have to apologize Edward, I understand," I said coolly.

As the three of them made their way towards my window, I hesitantly thought for a moment to ask them if they wanted to use my door, but just as I finished that thought, I felt a pair of cold arms encircle around my waist.

I was out the window and in the woods before I could even begin to comprehend what had happened. I could feel the leaves whipping past me, as my captor raced through the forest. I knew instinctively that this was not Edward, but Jasper. _So Jasper lied to Alice? _I could hear Edward and Alice's pursuit, but their footsteps seemed to be getting more distant at each passing step. I struggled fruitlessly in Jasper's iron grasp, but to no avail. We rounded a corner, and everything was silent. I looked into Jasper's eyes, questioning him with my eyes. With one last pitying look at me, he touched my shoulder, and all was black.


	22. 22 The Disappearing Future

**Author's Note: **This story is written from Edward's POV. I hope you enjoy this chapter and keep looking forward to my new chapters. ^^ Thank you for all the reviews!

**022. The Disappearing Future**

I sat next to Alice, fuming that I had lost Jasper in such a vital race. I growled in frustration and Alice tried - unsuccessfully - to calm me down.

"There was nothing you could've done."

"Yes, there was!" I seethed.

"His future disappeared because his plans were based around Bella, I couldn't read his mind, and he crossed over the boarder, there was nothing you could've done," Alice repeated.

"I am not looking forward to telling Lucas."

"Nor am I, but we have to," Alice said consolingly. Even though she was trying to comfort me, and I could hear that her mind was a jumble of emotions. _Why did he come back? Why did he leave? I miss him, does he miss me?_

I tried to stay out of her head, but try as I may, I couldn't. I needed something - anything - to distract me from the anger that threatened to spill over.

"Edward," Alice said frantically, "I can see Lucas!"

"What?" I asked confusedly.

"Remember before how I couldn't see Lucas, even when I tried? I just tried really hard right now and I could see him! He'll be back in five minutes."

I was curious as to why Lucas suddenly became visible, but I couldn't dwell on it. My mind was sorting through a thousand different way to tell Lucas that I had lost Bella. _Again. _

The minutes passed and Alice stood up. I stood with her, the both of us statues in the kitchen. We heard the door click open and Lucas stalked in.

"_Please _tell me one good reason why you're here," he said darkly, his gaze boring down on the both us.

Alice fidgeted slightly next to me and I cleared my throat.

Lucas glared darkly at me, and his eyes opened wide when he realized a vital missing scent.

"Where. Is. Bella." he stressed each word.

"She was kidnapped," I said plainly

"Then what the hell are you doing _here_?!" Lucas thundered incredulously.

"We tried to follow, but Jasper crossed the boarder -," I trailed off.

"Wait. You _know _the kidnapper?"

"He's kind of my brother," I said quietly.

"Let me get this straight. Your _brother _kidnapped Bella, crossed some ridiculous boarder that prevented you from chasing after him _even though _you're supposed to be one of the fastest vampires ever," Lucas concluded sarcastically.

Alice broke in at that point.

"We're going to get her back."

"Damn right we're going to get her back," Lucas seethed. His mind was full of turmoil and hard as I tried to stop listening, his love for Bella, _my Bella, _rang in every worried thought in his head.

Alice said quietly, "I can't see Jasper's future, because his is currently intertwined with Bella's, so we're going to have to figure something else out."

"How about following their scent?" Lucas said.

"There scent disappeared after they crossed the boarder because we can't cross it," I said.

"Tell me again why you can't cross this 'boarder'," Lucas said impatiently.

I was really starting to get ticked off at him. Couldn't he see that we tried to get Bella? That an age old treaty prevented us from doing so? But then another part of me thought, this is exactly the way I would have acted if I lost the person I loved. I took a deep breath and started to explain.

"We made a treaty with the Quileute's many years ago. Because we're vegetarian vampires, we promised that we would never hurt any humans. However, as part of the treaty, we do not go to La Push."

"How come your _brother _can cross it, but you can't?" Lucas said angrily.

"Because it's not a magical boarder that blocks people, it's an imaginary one. One could technically cross it, we were just abiding by the rules so we don't all get annihilated by a pack of werewolves," I retorted sarcastically. How could Bella possibly even _like _this guy? I fought to be diplomatic, but the jealousy I felt over this new love in Bella's life was so strong.

"I think, that you two should take a deep breath, calm down, and we'll figure out a plan," Alice suggested helpfully.

"How about we head back home, and ask Carlisle and Esme for help," I suggested.

"Why can't we stay here?" Lucas said hotly.

"Because, we'd have a better chance of finding Bella if we have help," I replied sharply.

"STOP IT. If you both don't get over yourselves, we will never find Bella, and you'll _both _die of a broken heart," Alice all but yelled at us.

"Fine," we both said childishly. I decided to take the high road, and stop being such a sore loser - which was really what I was. I lost Bella, and I was just being a jealous child.

I turned to Lucas and apologized and he accepted, albeit his face was a stone mask.

Alice glided towards the door and opened it for us. I followed after her and Lucas trailed slowly behind. We made it to the car in silence, and Alice got in and sat in front of the driving wheel. I followed suit, climbing into the seat next to her, indicating that Lucas should sit in the back.

He got in, but his thoughts were angry. _I hate this. I'm only doing this to find Bella. Stupid vampires. Damn me for being one._

I stifled a laugh at the last one, and Alice glared at me. I cleared my throat and composed myself. I stared out the window, trying to gather my thoughts and plan what we should do.

_How long does it take them to drive. Is speed obsolete?_

"We're driving at 100 miles per hour," I said, answering Lucas's internal chattering.

He looked at me, surprised.

"You can hear my thoughts?"

"Apparently."

"Stay out," he said, glaring at me once more.

"I can't really help it," I shrugged, knowing that would tick him off.

Alice tapped her fingers impatiently against the wheel. Her eyes were glaring daggers at me, and her thoughts were screaming. _BEHAVE!_

I turned to look back out the window, pouting slightly. It wasn't my fault that I was insanely jealous. I wish I had the power to be diplomatic about this. I took a deep breath counting backwards from ten. _I have to do this. I'm going to save you Bella. I love you._


	23. 23 Everything Changes

**Author's Note: **Hey everyone! Thank you so much for all the reviews, it means a lot to me, and I hope all of you continue to enjoy my story and keep checking back for updates!

**023. Everything Changes**

I woke up feeling incredibly disorientated. My whole body was stiff and I rubbed my aching neck trying to relive the tension I felt. It took me a moment to gather myself, and when I did I took a clear look at the darkness around me.

The room was dark except for the clouded light that filtered through a small window near the ceiling. There was a table near the corner of the room, and a futon behind me. The room wasn't very large, but the two pieces of furniture seemed to make it even smaller than it really was. I felt slightly claustrophobic for a moment, and had to take a deep breath to calm myself. I walked towards the window, trying to gauge how far away it was. I pulled the table next to the wall and climbed up. Even on my tip toes, I could barely reach the ledge, there was no way that I could climb out, even if I could've fit. I climbed off the table and sat on the floor in frustration. I tried to think of a reason - any reason at all - that Jasper would want to take me. Had he meant to take Alice but missed? I dismissed that idea the moment I thought of it. It's ridiculous, Jasper doesn't make mistakes, there has to be a reason why he chose me.

I hit the futon in frustration, and I let a small scream. Lucas was going to be so worried, and I broke _another _promise to him. At this rate, Lucas would never go hunt, and he'd go insane with thirst.

I flopped backwards onto the futon, laying spread-eagled. I closed my eyes, and tried to think of a memory, anything, to take my mind of how screwed I was. My mind drifted, and I relaxed, letting pleasant memories take me to another place.

"_Close your eyes," Lucas whispered playfully into my ear._

"_Why?" I complained, "I hate surprises!"_

"_You'll love this one," he paused "Hopefully," Lucas tacked on as an afterthought._

_I conceded, and I let Lucas cover my eyes with his hands. He pushed me gently into the car and I groaned._

"_Do I have to cover my eyes the _entire _way to wherever we're going?!"_

"_Yes," Lucas said. And he removed his hands, but my eyes were still closed. He continued, "See, I know you really don't like it when I don't drive with full concentration, so please just humor me and don't make me cover your eyes the whole way, causing me to drive with my feet okay? I still haven't perfected that yet."_

"_Of course not," I said dryly, but I complied and dutifully placed my hands over my eyes._

_We drove, and I watched the blobs of light dance inside my eyelids. _

"_So, why do we have to do this at night?" I began conversationally._

"_Well, because today was a beautiful day, and I _sparkle_," said Lucas disdainfully. It was no secret that he disliked that one vampire quality. _

_I laughed and said, "What's so bad at sparkling? You practically have a built in fairy costume if we were to go trick - or -treating in the sun."_

"_Yea, just because you lucked out and got to _glow _instead of sparkle," Lucas grumbled good naturedly._

"_So, how long until we get to wherever it is that we're going?" I asked, my curiosity truly peaked._

"_You'll see," Lucas said mysteriously, and I felt the car slow down just an infinitesimal amount. _

"_Okay, we're here."_

"_Where's 'here'?" I asked, dying to take a peek. _

"_No, no, no! If you peek, then you'll ruin everything!" Lucas said. As if sensing my unrest, he removed my hands and replaced them with his own. _

"_Hey! No fair," I complained again. But he silenced me with a cold finger pressed against my lips. _

"_Just a little further," he whispered._

_I held my breath in anticipation - I had never been one for surprises - but Lucas had gotten me so keyed up. _

"_Okay, now you can look," he said, as he removed his hand from my eyes._

_It took me a moment to take it all on it, to say even a single word._

"_Wow," I gasped._

"_Do you like it?"_

"_It's," I paused, trying to think of a word, any word to describe it, "stunning," I concluded._

_And it was stunning. Lucas had decorated a small clearing with dozens of fairy lights. And there were fireflies flitting about. The moon illuminated the clearing with a misty blue light, and that mixed with the white lights created a dreamy haze. _

"_I wanted something special to celebrate our arrival here," Lucas said softly, "I found this place accidentally when I was hunting. It's not listed on any New Zealand map - it's all ours."_

_I was still in shock at the beauty of it all, and barely managed to eek out a coherent sentence. _

"_You really didn't have to do this. It's amazing. I'll remember this moment always." And I smiled at him_

_He reciprocated, and his smile lit up the clearing more than the lights did. He seemed so at ease, like a child on his birthday._

"_Thank you," I murmured. "It's perfect."_

_He took my hand and pulled me into the center of the clearing. He released my hand and stood a step back. He looked at me, before dipping into a gentlemanly bow. _

"_May I have the pleasure of asking for a dance with you?"_

_I grimaced briefly, remembering my dancing escapades, but Lucas looked so hopefully that I relented._

"_It's your feet," I joked lightly, placing my hand into his._

_He pulled me closer and we twirled around. Well, I span, he twirled me, and we floated in our little world. As we grew dizzier, he slowed down and pulled me even closer. I felt my heart sped up - just a little bit - and he stopped dancing all together. He let go of my hand, and smiled. _

"_Thank you," he said, "I haven't done that in a long time."_

_I sat down on the grass and he followed. We laid down on our backs and stared in to the sky. The stars twinkled at us, and I could make out a few constellations. Lucas's voice broke into my concentration._

"_When I was younger, we used to be able to see the Big Dipper, every night," he said as he pointed at the sky._

"_Do you miss it? The past, I mean."_

"_Sometimes. I miss how quiet sometimes the world used to be. Now it's full of activity every second of every day. And most of the time I try to fit in, but this is not a world that I belong in."_

"_It's the only world I've ever known."_

"_But, it's not the only world you'll know," he whispered quietly, "With immortality comes a great price. You'll live to see the world forever, but you'll never truly fit in," his voice was tinged with his ancient grief._

_I contemplated for a moment if I should pry any further and decided to not say anything. Lucas seemed to sense the raging curiosity burning in my eyes, and he asked me softly._

"_Do you want to know how I became a vampire?"_

_Embarrassed, I shook my head, but even I could tell that it was an incredibly forced shake. _

"_This was more than a hundred years ago," he began slowly, "I was just nineteen when I was changed, and I will never forget it. I was…"_

I was abruptly shaken from my reminiscing by a pair of cold hands on my shoulder.

"Wake up, Bella," Jasper said loudly.

I glared up at him, and was shocked to see that even though his eyes were blood red - meaning he had obviously eaten - his general appearance was gaunt, and his face seemed hollow. I had missed all these things the night before, because of the dark, but now, in the soft light he looked weary and worn. I asked him the only think I could think of.

"What do you want with me?"


	24. 24 Losing Control

**Author's Note: **I'm really pleased with this chapter so I hope that you'll all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I will update soon, so I won't leave you all hanging. Once again, thanks for all the reviews. ^^

**024. Losing Control**

"It's nothing personal," Jasper said soothingly.

"I didn't think it would be, from what I remember I've never really done anything to irk you except be human, and that problem is long gone," I smiled faintly.

"Ah Bella, you never really irked me per se, it was just my nature. You did have the most fascinating emotions however," he complimented me.

"Uh, thanks," I said awkwardly.

"So, since we're here, can you tell me why you left?"

"I already told you."

"You were lying. I want you to tell me the real reason why you left," I told him starkly.

"What do you have, a built in lie detector?"

"No. But I'm observant, I can tell when I'm being lied to."

"I work for the Volturi," he said softly.

"Why?" I asked him, truly confused.

"Because I had no choice."

"No choice?"

"They took me, because they wanted Alice. They figured if they took me with them, then Alice would follow."

"Alice would have known, she could see what they were planning!"

"They wanted to take her by force, Bella. I couldn't let them do that. They're ruthless vampires, they wanted her for her power, not for her."

"Oh Jasper…" I said quietly.

"That's why I took you. They think that Edward will follow. They want Edward just as much as they wanted Alice. They didn't want me, but they enjoy the calm that I can bring, so they kept me and left Alice alone."

"How come you didn't just tell her? She misses you so much, and she never understood why you left."

"I couldn't. I'm in a binding contract that ties me to the Volturi. They know everything. If I tell Alice, then they'll take her, as per the agreement. If I don't speak, she stays safe."

"Then why are you telling me all this?"

"I can tell you, because they cannot read your mind. They will never know if I told you or not, because I will never think about this moment again."

"You have to tell Edward."

"I am," he said quietly, "I have to tell them the price for your freedom."

"_Edward_," I whispered.

"Yes, I'm sorry Bella, but if Edward doesn't come, none of us will be safe."

"I can't Jasper, you can't!" _No! Not Edward. He cannot live a life like this._

"I have to Bella, It's Edward's life for everybody else's"

"If you do this, will you be free?"

"Yes," he said, his answer barely coherent.

"You're willing to give up your brother's life for your own freedom?"

Jasper looked sadly at me and said, "I'm sorry."

I watched his back as he left the room, locking it securely behind him. I felt a tear escape me as I crumpled into a ball on the floor. I pulled my knees into my chest, and cried softly. _Edward._

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Trying to forgot everything. But my mind was a jumble of emotion and I my thoughts flitted between the two people I loved most in the entire world.

* * *

I sat stiffly at the dining room table. To my left was my family ; Carlisle, Esme, and Alice. To my right was Lucas. The internal chatter of everyone in the room was driving me insane and I wanted to bash my head, several times into the table.

Esme reached a hand over to me in a gesture of comfort, but I pulled away. Comfort was something I didn't need. I needed to be this agitated, if I wanted to find Bella. But I also needed to be rational, I couldn't let all my emotions cloud my decisions.

"So," Lucas began, "What do you plan on doing to get Bella back?" _Because if you don't I'm going to rip each and everyone of your damn throats out._

I glared at him, angry at his thoughts, and he cringed slightly. _Crap I forgot he reads minds._

"I think that we should track-," Alice started to say when she was abruptly cut off by a knock at the door.

_Jasper! I know it's him. If I run into his arms they'd be so angry. I can't. I absolutely cannot. _

"Alice, just go," I said quietly.

"I can't. We have to go together," she whispered back just as quietly.

Lucas glared at the both of us, unsure what we were talking about. Alice and I exchanged a look, and I read his mind, being careful to see if he had any plans to viciously kill Jasper. He didn't, so I told him.

"It's Jasper."

Like a rocket, Lucas was out of seat and at the door, he yanked the door open and snarled at Jasper. Alice was there in an instant, stopping Lucas from attacking. She glanced at Jasper, and I could see the confusion and sadness in her mind. _Why Jasper. I miss you so much. Please, come back to me._

Lucas relaxed visibly next to Alice, probably due to Jasper's emotional manipulation because Lucas's thoughts were still pretty angry.

"Tell me why you're here," Lucas said each word like a dagger aimed at Jasper.

Jasper looked coldly around the room. He looked so detached, he didn't look at Alice at all.

"The ransom, I'm here to tell you the ransom for Bella's safe return."

"What, what is it!?" Lucas asked him frantically.

"Edward," was all Jasper said.

"What about me?" I asked Jasper in as calm a tone as I could muster.

"_You_, are the ransom for Bella."

I moved forward immediately. _Anything to see you safe again Bella, my love. _

"You have three days. I will return in for you then."

"I don't need three days. I'll follow you now."

"I think it would be prudent that you think this through," Jasper looked at me meaningfully. _Was he trying to say something between the lines?_

"You are always being watched, do not do anything stupid," Jasper warned again. He turned as if to leave, but not before uttering one last warning.

"Do not follow me, or Bella will die," Jasper said coldly. With those words he left, leaving the rest of us in a stunned silence.

* * *


	25. 25 If I Could

**Author's Note: **I apologize for the late post. This is a bit shorter than usual, but really the story is a bit boring at this point. I have a bit of a writer's block at the moment, but I assure you that this fanfic **WILL** be completed. I hope that you all enjoy this chapter. And once again thank you for all the reviews. On a side note, I did post a short one shot if you would like to check that out. I will be back as soon as possible with Chapter 26.

**025. If I Could**

I woke up to a soft click. I blinked my eyes, trying to clear my vision. I saw Jasper walking towards me, and I straightened up from my curled position. Jasper looked more tired and worn then I had ever seen him.

"Did you tell them?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Is Edward here?" I asked softly.

"No, I told him he had three days. I don't want this life for him. I tried to warn him, I hope he understood."

"There must be something we can do Jasper. There has to be."

"If there had been a way, I would have escaped a long time ago. I miss Alice so much. Seeing her now - seeing the resentment and pain in her eyes - hurts so much," Jasper said softly, a tear sliding down his cheek.

"I think there's a way that we can run," I said in a whisper.

"We can run, but we can't hide. They'll find us. They always do."

"True. But can't we fight them? There are so many of us…"

"They will never let us go without taking at least one, Bella," Jasper said patiently.

"We can't just do nothing!" My mind was churning with anything we could do to stop this.

"Calm, Bella. You're too agitated."

"Why did they ask you do to this? Why didn't they just take Edward themselves?"

"They don't do anything if they can help it. They like to keep their hands clean!" Jasper retorted angrily.

"We can't do nothing," I repeated once more, softly now, all the fight gone.

Jasper thought for a moment, and a sudden dawning in his thoughts lightened his eyes.

"Three days."

"Three days?" I asked confusedly.

"The Volturi check on me about once a month to make sure I'm doing their bidding and not doing anything sneaky. We have three days until the end of this month. _If _wecan figure all this out by then, than both of you will be safe." Jasper concluded happily.

"But, what about you?"

"Edward is my brother, and Alice is my love. Their happiness is everything to me. You're part of that happiness, I don't want anything to happen to you."

"You're Alice's greatest happiness though. We have to help you too."

"Thanks Bella, but like I've said, I've tried, and it's impossible. The best thing to do is to save you."

He reached his hand toward me and I held it tightly. He pulled me onto his back and walked swiftly out of the room. The door closed behind him in the wind that he had created and then we were off. I closed my eyes, as he ran - faster than ever. And as I clutched on for dear life, I hoped against all hope that somehow everyone would be granted their happy ending.

…

I slammed my fist into the wall, all my anger channeled into that punch. The walls shuddered around me, and I fought to control myself. Breaking the house wasn't going to help us.

"Edward, calm down," Esme said gently.

"Jasper was trying to tell us something. If I wasn't so stupid, I'd be able to understand what he meant!" I said through my teeth.

"You are _not _stupid, Edward," Alice refuted quickly. _So stop putting yourself down and concentrate at the problem at hand!_

"Thanks Alice," I said dryly.

"Whoops," she said, ducking her head in embarrassment.

"Wait. Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" They all questioned me in unison.

_Edward. I'm here with Bella._

"Of course you can't hear it! Jasper! He's back and he's with Bella!"

Lucas rushed to the door and flung it open he glanced into the darkened night. A flash of white landed on the porch and I saw Bella fling herself into Lucas's arms.

Jasper stood awkwardly to the side, shifting from side to side. _Should I go see Alice? What should I do. I can't hurt her._

"Alice," I murmured, "It's okay, Jasper is deciding to approach you or not - it's your choice."

Alice didn't even let me finish the sentence before she was standing in front of Jasper. She raised her hand tentatively to his face and hesitated. Jasper's face seemed to visibly crumble as he took Alice into his arms. I tried to block them out. _I'm so sorry - I love you._

I surveyed the room. Alice and Jasper were happy in their own little world - no matter how transient it may be. Lucas and Bella were safe in each others. Bella seemed so happy, that I didn't need to read her thoughts to see that Lucas was the one she loved.

_Edward are you okay?_

Carlisle and Esme thoughts rang with concern. I glanced reassuringly at them, and nodded. I could see relief flood their features. I know how sad Esme had been ever since I left Bella. I turned my back on all of them and walked out into the cold night air.


	26. 26 Only In My Memories

**Author's Note: **I sort of pushed through my writer's block. I think this Chapter is better than 25, so I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews and as always they are appreciated, and I thank you all for continuing to read my story. Will be back with an update soon.

**026. Only In My Memories**

I jumped off of Jasper and ran into Lucas's arms. I was so happy to see him. He hugged me back hard.

"Are you okay?" he asked me urgently.

"Yes, I'm sorry that I broke my promise - " I said, my words all jumbled up.

"It's okay, you silly girl, as long as you're okay," he said reassuringly, running his fingers through my hair.

Over his shoulder I couldn't help but look at Edward. He looked distracted, and I hoped that he didn't see me staring. I saw Carlisle and Esme's silent exchange with him, and Edward disappearing shortly after that into the dark.

Lucas was holding my hand now, he seemed afraid to let me go. I titled my hand onto his shoulder and he squeezed my hand. There was another couple however, one that seemed to flood the room with emotion - more love than anyone could ever think possible.

Alice and Jasper were locked into a silent embrace. I could see tears glistening on both their cheeks and I felt embarrassed for unintentionally intruding on such a private moment.

"I hope that they have their happy ending," Lucas murmured quietly into my ear.

"Me too," I said distractedly.

"What's wrong? You sound distracted…" Lucas trailed off.

There was no hiding my emotions from Lucas.

"Nothing - I just, saw Edward leave, and I'm worried…"

Lucas tensed ever so slightly and pursed his lips. But it all happened so fast that I couldn't be sure if it had really happened. Lucas released my hand and turned to face me. He placed my face between his hands, and looked into my eyes.

"Go and find him. But please - please, don't hurt yourself. I can't lose you again."

Did he _have _to be so understanding? What have I ever done to deserve such a loving and wonderful boyfriend? I felt my stomach clench - knowing how much my leaving would hurt Edward. And as much as I tried, I knew I couldn't not go. I looked back into Lucas's eyes, hoping that he could see the reassurance in my eyes. I wanted him to know that I would come back to him.

"I love you Bella," Lucas said softly as I turned away from him and walked out the door.

* * *

The night air surrounded me as I ran towards the meadow - our meadow. It had been awhile since I had been here and one look reminded me how much I loved it here.

I laid in the middle of the meadow with my face to the stars. I closed my eyes and let the night take me away.

_Bella ran into my arms and I picked her up and swung her around. I placed her down gently and she tilted her head upwards. Her eyes were so beautiful. I could get so lost in her eyes. They were always full of kindness and concern - they were the windows to her soul. _

"_I want to make cookies," I whispered playfully into her ear._

"_What?" Shock colored her every word. _

"_You heard me - chocolate chip cookies would be preferred."_

"You_ want cookies?!" Bella repeated incredulously._

"_Yep," I said cheerfully._

_She peered into my eyes with disbelief. _

"_You're kidding, you don't eat…" she said slowly._

"_Sort of. I don't eat - true, but _you _do, and you've been moaning about cookies for the past week so I figured I would accompany you in baking some."_

_She hugged me unexpectedly, and I knew that if I could blush - I would've._

"_Thank you, you're the sweetest person I know," she said, her voice muffled by my shirt._

"_Come on, let's go and get this over with," I said solemnly as I draped my arm over her. She hugged me close with her arm around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder._

"_Does it have to be chocolate?"_

A soft crackle in the night brought me back. I was disappointed that my memory was cut short, but a slight breeze changed my mind. The air in the meadow was sweet. The only smell that ever captivated me held me now, as it did so long ago - _Bella._

* * *

I stared into the darkness, seeing Edward's pale face stark white in the middle of the meadow. _Our meadow._

"Why are you here?"

"I saw you leave - I was just wondering if you're okay," I stuttered. Why was I doing this? I was the one that pushed him away - I was just making things worse.

"I'm fine," he answered brusquely.

"Oh, okay," I said softly and turned around and started to walk away. Within seconds I felt a pair of cold arms wrap around me. I felt my body tense up - an involuntary response. But as fast as that happened I relaxed into his arms. It had been so long - and just being in his arms felt so right.

"Edward," I whispered.

"Bella - my beautiful Bella," he whispered back, agony piercing his every word.

I turned to look at him - really look at him. He had changed so much over the years. He looked so weary.

"We can't do this. _I _can't do this to Lucas," I said quietly, pulling away from him.

I faced him and I said slowly, "Lucas trusted me enough to let me follow you, I can't betray that trust."

Edward closed his face off and his fists clenched to his side. He nodded briefly before apologizing.

"I'm sorry, just having you so close, is really testing my self control."

I smiled slightly, "No more human blood."

"Yes," he smiled wryly.

"I think perhaps we should head back - Jasper has a lot of things to say."

"Alright. Just one more moment? It's peaceful with you here."

"Edward…" I said cautiously.

"Don't worry, it's just your presence. I'm glad you're fine."

"Thank you."

"Okay," Edward said taking a deep breath, "I'm ready, let's go home."


	27. 27 The Only Reason

**Author's Note**: Hey everyone! I know I'm not exactly punctual with this update - HOWEVER, it is my LONGEST chapter ever, and I'm pretty proud of it. I hope that you'll all enjoy this chapter as much as my 'beta readers' did - and as always reviews are welcome. Thank you for everyone who continues to read this fic, and all the the reviews that people have been submitting. I'm *almost* done Chapter 28, so please look forward to that when you finish reading this.

**027. The Only Reason**

Lucas was at my side the moment I walked back into the Cullen household. He gripped my waist and seemed that he never wanted to let go. His expression was stormy, and I couldn't fathom the reason why.

"What's wrong?" I asked him curiously. He was staring daggers at Jasper and Alice.

"Why don't you ask _them_?" he replied angrily.

I looked towards Alice and Jasper and Alice looked back with frightened eyes. Jasper's were apologetic. He held out a piece of paper and I made a move to get it. However, Edward was much faster and it was in his hand before I even finished blinking.

Edward's face seemed to turn paler than pale as he quickly scanned the paper. The fist at his side clenched, and I saw his brows furrow in anger. The mystery was killing me.

"What _is _it?" I demanded.

"In exchange for the pardon of Jasper Hale, we request the immediate presence of Lucien Malone, Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan," Edward said in a forced voice. His calm façade was threatening to break, and he seemed to be having great difficulty keeping himself in check.

"Is it the Volturi?" I whispered - realization hitting me smack in the face.

"I'm so sorry," Jasper said quietly. He took a step in my direction, but Lucas snarled and put a protective arm in front of me.

"It's okay, Jasper," I said comfortingly to him, even though on the inside I was reeling with fright.

"When do we leave?" Lucas asked.

"Tonight."

I was silent throughout that exchange because I was still in shock. My thoughts were running wild with fright. I had never met the Volturi but from what Edward told me so long ago, I had reason to be afraid.

"Tonight?" I repeated - my voice an octave higher.

"Don't be afraid Bella," Lucas said, with more than a hint of urgency in his tone, "I won't let _anything _hurt you."

I nodded at him, but I shivered slightly.

"Do you want to pack anything while I book the tickets for the next flight out to Volterra?"

"Uh, sure," I said unsteadily. I grasped Lucas's hand and tugged him towards the door.

"We'll meet you at the airport, okay?"

"I'll call to tell you the time," Edward said softly.

"Okay," I said, my voice softer than a whisper as Lucas and I left.

…

I was situated somewhat uncomfortably between two very silent vampires. Lucas held my hand to my left and Edward sat to my right, frozen solid. I was afraid to break the silence, so I kept to myself, imagining the worst case scenarios for what we were about to face. The flight seemed immeasurably long, and when we finally arrived I was glad to be free of the confined space that held me in.

We went quickly through the terminals and picked up our bags. Edward walked a few steps ahead of us, and he seemed to be scanning the crowd. His eyes rested on two very beautiful people standing slightly away from the bustle of the airport crowds.

When we approached he gave them a brief nod, but his lips were still pursed together and he looked frustrated. Lucas and I stood slightly behind him and I tried to look as calm as Lucas did, but I knew I was failing miserably.

I looked to Edward and he nodded slightly at the pair of vampires.

"This is Jane," he said tilting his head towards the ethereally beautiful girl, "and this is Alec," he finished stiffly.

I looked at them and nodded my head to show that I acknowledged their presence.

"Please follow us," Jane said softly - her voice like wind chimes.

We nodded mutely and followed her. She and Alec threaded their way through the crowds with no problems. It seemed as if their beauty shocked the crowds to part ways for them. We made it to a darkened parking lot and the pair quickened their pace. They stopped in front of a dark sedan with heavily tinted windows.

"Please," was all Jane said, as she indicated that we were to get into the car. I got in first and Lucas followed suit. Edward got in on the other side and once again I was trapped in between.

"We'll arrive shortly, please refrain from talking," Alec said, finally breaking his silence.

We sat in an uncomfortable silence for the entire ride. When the car pulled to a stop, the doors opened and we climbed out.

I looked in wonder at the vaulted columns leading to a grand entrance. We followed Alec and Jane silently, and I was in for a bigger surprise when we walked in. The entire ceiling of the building was sheathed in gold leaf and paintings that had to be painted by the Masters. While I tried to not openly gawk, I was having trouble concentrating on following. Lucas nudged me forward as we continued our silent journey.

I was so distracted that when we stopped, I almost tripped and fell flat on my face. Lucas coughed quietly - and I caught myself. The interior chamber that we were in was dimly lit with candles and about five feet in front of us Jane and Alec joined a trio of vampires. At first glance, they seemed to be made of a substance less than being - but at closer inspection, they were in fact human - even if that was a loose interpretation of the word.

All three had skin like paper and they seemed like they were about to fall apart at the slightest breeze. The middle one stepped forward and introduced himself. His voice was anything but brittle.

"Welcome to Volterra. My name is Aro. My brothers," he gestured to his sides, "Marcus and Caius." Aro seemed to be slightly giddy with excitement, but the other two - Marcus and Caius - seemed to be bored out of their minds.

"My deepest apologies for calling you here on such short notice, but as you know, the unforeseeable circumstances…" he trailed off.

Edward stepped forward and indicated that we should to. However, Aro motioned for us to stop. Instead he indicated that only I should step forward. I hesitated slightly - unsure of what to do. Marcus cleared his throat impatiently and I felt Lucas and Edward growl slightly in response. With one last look at Lucas and Edward I made my way to the trio.

As I cleared the space between us, Aro reached his hand out invitingly. When I was close enough he took my hand and brought it to his lips, but as he was about to brush his papery lips across my skin, he stopped in shock. He released my hand and looked deep into my eyes. He reached for my hand again, and I tried to pull away but he was much to quick. His brows furrowed in concentration, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he was doing. He stared silently at me for a moment longer before letting out a laugh.

"Remarkable!"

Marcus and Caius didn't look the least bit interested, but Aro was having a field day. He looked beyond me to Edward as if asking for an answer.

Edward stared blankly at Aro and gave him an answer.

"I too, cannot read her mind," he said emotionlessly.

"Ah yes, but I would have thought that perhaps, my power would be stronger. I do remember her from Jasper's thoughts…" Aro trailed off thoughtfully.

I turned to walk away but Aro caught my wrist.

"This is quite interesting, I think that I'll keep you here for awhile."

In the instant that Aro said that Edward sprang forward as if to attack. Lucas sensing the danger leapt forward as well. But as quickly as they were poised to attack they were on the floor wracked with spasms.

I started to race for them, but Aro stopped me. He glanced meaningfully at Jane, and suddenly Lucas and Edward were still. They got up and the anger in their eyes were twin echoes of each other.

"Now, are we going to behave ourselves? Or is this going to get difficult?" Aro said pleasantly.

Lucas and Edward glowered at Aro, but they knew that they could do nothing.

Marcus stepped forward slightly and said something to Aro, which caused him to smile.

Once again I tried to leave, but Aro was at my side, his hand placed firmly on my shoulder.

"Marcus tells me something very interesting. It seems that you are a very precious commodity, my dearest Bella. I wonder what would happen if something were to happen to you," he said.

Edward and Lucas growled again and once again they were struggling on the floor. Jane smiled happily as the two people I loved most were withering in pain. I glared at her, but she continued to smile at me.

"Stop," Aro said, and a few moments passed before Lucas and Edward were able to stand up again.

As I took in everything, I realized two things. One, not all of us were going to make it out of Volterra. And two, unless Lucas and Edward stopped reacting to everything they would continue to suffer immense pain - a state that hurt _me _so much to see them in. _What were we going to do?_


	28. 28 Plus Que Ma Propre Vie

**Author's Note: **I hope you all enjoy this Chapter. For all of you who do not speak French - or have not read Breaking Dawn, the Chapter title means "More than my own life." It's a quote that I really liked and I tried to incorporate it into my story - via Chapter title. I decided to not make this an epic battle because if I did, all three would die - and we wouldn't want that now would we? I'll be back with Chapter 29 pretty soon, as I'm almost finished and Spring Break is just around the corner. ^^

**028. Plus Que Ma Propre Vie**

"So what will it be? On the one hand Edward would make a fabulous addition to my family - but so would Lucas. With his penchant for kindness - it is quite difficult to choose," Aro mused aloud.

_Crap. What happened to me being interesting?!_

"What do you mean…?" I managed to stutter out.

"Well, I'm feeling particularly generous today, so I'm going to take only one of the two. Edward or Lucas. Who do you chose to leave with you?"

I looked at the both of them and I knew I could not choose. In front of me were the two people I loved most in the world. How could I possibly..

"One life right?" I asked - stalling for time.

"Yes, beautiful Bella. Only one."

"What if you let both of them go and take me instead?" I asked, hoping against all hope.

"Why would you be worth more than Edward and Lucas's abilities?"

"Surely you've noticed that I'm not like the others. Doesn't that interest you?"

"Yes…," Aro's expression turned to one of contemplation. I resisted the urge to look at Edward and Lucas, but I could feel their horrified stares.

"You are an extremely self sacrificing person Bella - but if you're willing - I do think you would make a fine addition to my family," Aro said in a tone that I suppose was benevolent in his ears, but to me it sounded completely menacing.

Nonetheless, I breathed a sigh of relief, _Edward and Lucas _would live.

I looked longingly at them and I heard Aro give me _permission _to say goodbye. I felt angry for a moment, but that moment dissipated when I felt Edward and Lucas at my side. Lucas got to me first - most likely Edward's allowance - and crushed me against him.

"No, Bella, _why_!? I'd live an eternity in servitude if it meant that you were safe and happy!"

"How can I be happy knowing you were in suffering? No, this is the bet- the _only _way."

"Bella! Please stop being the martyr, let me do this."

"No! Lucas. I love you so please let me do this. As long as the both of you are safe."

Lucas abruptly let me go. I looked up at him in confusion.

"So, I see," he noted lightly, "Perhaps I've been blind all this time," Lucas said thoughtfully. He glanced once at Edward and then stared at me. His mind seemed to be full of turmoil and I wished so much that I could hear what was going on in his head.

"You love me - but you love him more," Lucas said gently, he said it as if _he _was the one that was sorry, when I was the guilty one. A part of me wanted to deny the fact, but deep down, I knew it was just that - fact. How could I keep fighting it if I knew that the only reason I was who I was, was all because of Edward?

I sagged slightly and Lucas smiled sadly at me.

"I was capable of loving you - but I too, cannot let go of the past. Go, stay with Edward. The both you should go home. The Volturi will have me."

A dry voice broke into our whispers.

"Amazing - absolutely amazing!" Aro said, completely unawares of the mental anguish we were feeling. I wanted to glare him down. For someone who twisted fates, he was a surprisingly jubilant person.

The three of us turned to him and he smiled.

"Marcus - as you know, can sense relationships, and the both of you! The love you feel for her!" Aro exclaimed.

We stood there silently, but I felt Edward's hand twitch slightly at my side. I glanced at him and I saw him press his lips together slightly, before composing his face back into a silent statue.

"Very well then. I see that if I take Bella, I would lose both Edward and Lucas as they would die to save her…" Aro commented to himself.

He looked at Edward and smiled.

"So much like Carlisle - are you sure I cannot tempt you?"

"I'm fine with my life, so I must politely decline," Edward said while bowing slightly.

"And you?" Aro inclined his head in Lucas's direction.

"I, too must decline," Lucas said bowing.

"I assume that your answer will be the same, Bella?"

"I'm sorry," I said even though I was anything but. I was ecstatic. I could feel the happiness I felt threatening to explode. This was better than anything I could have imagined. I looked happily at Lucas but he just smiled briefly at me. It was then that I noticed that I was holding Edward's hand. I knew I should let him his hand go, but I couldn't. Lucas must have seen the indecision in my face and he spoke lightly.

"It's alright Bella. Don't continue trying to be someone you're not."

"Lucas…"

"Come on, we should leave before something else happens."

"ah, friends, I would ask you kindly to give my regards to Carlisle and extend my invitation to Alice," Aro said as we were leaving.

We all shuddered collectively at Aro's mention of the 'invitation'. The three of us walked quickly through the darkened corridors. Even darkness, the opulence of the building was not lost on me.

When we exited the building, twilight was just setting in. Edward and Lucas glowed in the slight light - but they didn't sparkle - thank god. No, even their lack of sparkle attracted attention. It was most likely due to the fact that Lucas and Edward together made a breathtakingly stunning couple. I on the other hand was nothing more than a girl slightly above average in the looks department.

Edward whispered softly into my ear and I nodded in response. He walked around a corner and disappeared from view.

"Off to 'borrow' a car?" Lucas asked sardonically.

"Yes."

"At least it'll be a nice car…" Lucas grumbled.

And what a nice car it was. When Edward came back - less than five minutes later - he definitely arrived in style.

Eighty years had broadened my car horizons significantly. I took no notice of the car's make, instead I was absorbed in it's sleek lines and fluid motion even as it idled at a standstill.

Lucas held the side door open for me as I clambered in. He climbed into the front seat next to Edward. We sped off in towards the darkening sky. I closed my eyes, hoping that by the time I awoke, this would all be over.


	29. 29 In Between Reality

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the late update everyone! I was planning to upload last night, but the Document Manager was all wonky on me - so I apologize. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and look forward to Chapter 30! Have a nice spring break!

**029. In Between Reality**

I was still half asleep when I awoke to the hushed whispers of Lucas and Edward. I tried to pay attention, but my mind was still screaming for sleep. I heard only snatches of their whispers and I struggled to hear more.

"I truly love her," Edward's voice was nothing more than a breath.

"I know, why else would I let her go?"

"What was she like? When you first met her…"

"Overwhelming sadness. She loved you so much. When we were first starting out as a coven, there were days when all she could see was you. She talked to you in her dreams every night. She was the most restless vampire," Lucas chuckled.

"I wanted to see what it was like when Victoria…"

"Can you not read my mind?"

"I could, but now…, it's very frustrating for me."

"Victoria changing Bella is a cruel thing - it is not something you would want to see."

"Cruelty is something I've seen a lot of. But perhaps you are right," Edward amended.

"As for reading my mind - I think that is a product of Bella's gift."

_My gift?_

"Her gift?" Edward asked, echoing my thoughts.

"You must have noticed that my mind is rendered unreadable whenever she's near."

"Now that you mention it…"

"It's my belief that Bella can protect, 'shield' - for the lack of a better word - the minds of individuals that she forms emotional connections with. However, it doesn't extend very far, because once she was gone, you could read my mind."

"That makes a lot of sense. I can see why Aro was interested."

"That and the fact that she's not a vampire. Well, not fully anyways."

"Do you think Bella would ever forgive me? I'll spend everyday of forever to try and make it up to her," Edward said with finality.

"I think she forgave you a long time ago. She was just afraid to let go of something so familiar to her."

"Pain?" Edward said harshly.

"It was all of you that she had left," Lucas said softly.

"I left to protect her - but I was selfish. I never thought how she would feel," Edward said with a bitter laugh, "The assumptions I made, of course wouldn't apply to Bella and her nature of self sacrifice. Sometimes I wonder, if I never left, where we would we be today?"

"Without me," Lucas said quietly.

"We would have crossed paths eventually - we don't meet many vampires like us. Only ourselves and the Denali clan in Alaska."

The car was suddenly silent except for the quiet hum of the car speeding on what I assumed was an isolated street.

"I'm curious - but you don't have to answer - why are you, you know, a vegetarian?" Edward asked cautiously, breaking the silence.

There was a pause, and Lucas replied slowly.

"A girl."

"Isn't it always?" Edward said ruefully.

"I tried to change her - but I couldn't stop - " Lucas broke off in a painful whisper.

"I understand," Edward said comfortingly.

"Do you?" Lucas asked sharply.

"I do. Even from the beginning Bella was in danger, but I heightened that danger. One day we went to play baseball - "

"The American pastime," Lucas cut in.

"Yes," Edward said with a laugh, "That day, our game was interrupted by a group of traveling nomads, who were not as - understanding. To make a long story short, one of the nomads was a tracker and he caught a whiff of Bella's scent. She became his obsession. In order to protect _us_, she went to find him and almost ended up broken beyond repair."

"How does self control play into this?"

"She was bitten," Edward said starkly.

"Did you - " Lucas questioned Edward, a raging curiosity burning behind that unfinished question.

"Yes. I could never forgive myself If I could not…"

"Like the way that I can never forgive myself."

"Lucas…"

"I thought loving Bella would help me forget - give me the chance to forgive myself - that perhaps if I could love someone just as much as I loved…"

"She loves you."

"Just not enough. It was never enough. Her love for you transcends all reason."

I wanted to scream. What was Lucas saying? I loved Edward - that much was true, and it was cruel of me to love both. But I loved Lucas. If only things had happened differently. If I never met Edward…

I felt my heart constrict slightly, and I winced in pain. The pain became more pronounced and I fought back a scream. With one last look at the two people I loved the most, I faded out of consciousness.


	30. 30 Save Me From Myself

**Author's Note: **Hey everyone! Thank you so much for your kind reviews and understanding of my late update. This is not one of my greatest chapters, but I figure I should give the Team Jacob fans some loving. =) I for one love Taylor Lautner, and I'm all for a dead Bella/Jacob ship in my fic. (I kid.) I hope you enjoy this chapter! + Twilight DVD release!!

**030. Save Me From Myself**

"Wasn't your first visit one too many?"

"Jacob!" I could barely contain my excitement. I ran squealing towards him. He was leaning casually against a wall, his long, lean frame accentuated by a luminous glow.

"Hey, Bells," Jacob said, smiling at me, before gathering me into a bone crushing hug.

"Jacob," I breathed into his chest. I felt tears start to gather at the corners of my eyes.

"Aw, don't cry! I know why you're crying, and please don't," Jacob said pleadingly into my hair.

"How could you know!?" I said fiercely at him.

"Of course I do. You were here before remember? Charlie…?" Jacob trailed off.

"Right. Well, I really am so sorry - you have no idea," I said trying my best to stop crying.

"Bella," Jacob said gently, his eyes probing, "What's happened, happened. We can't change that, I'm happy," Jacob insisted, "Besides, from the looks of things, I got the better end of the deal," he said jokingly.

I mock punched him, and he laughed. I smiled, it's been so long since I heard Jacob laugh.

"So, why _are _you here again?" Jacob began conversationally, resuming his relaxed lounge.

"I think - I don't love Edward anymore," I whispered.

Jacob visibly stumbled and gasped in shock.

"What!" I protested, "It's possible…" I trailed of unsurely.

"_Impossible_," Jacob corrected. "There is _no way _you don't love Edward! He's your life!" Jacob exclaimed loudly.

"Really, Jacob. You know that I'm only half vampire, the reason being that my heart beats for Edward, but today - my heart _stopped._"

"Your heart stopped - maybe that's why you're here," Jacob mused.

"You think?" I remarked sarcastically.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Without a heart, what am I supposed to do? Isn't there a limit to how many times I can almost die?"

"Sure, but you've never been one to follow the rules. I mean you _did _fall in love with not only one vampire but _two_," Jacob said, his face alight with his beautiful smile.

"_Two_…how do you know?"

"The dead like to gossip. When we have an eternity to linger, what else can we do? Charlie told me."

"Charlie! I should've known, he always did love you more," I grumbled under my breath.

"So, how is this Lucas?"

"Lucas is self sacrificing. More so than me, he let me go."

"Let you -? Oh. He let you go to Edward… Whoa, was he a saint in a previous life or something?"

"Jake…" I said with a hint of warning in my voice.

"I'm kidding, but seriously, _do _you love Edward? Or have you finally gotten over him?"

"I don't know!"

"It seems to me, that you have to stop being so damned indecisive and make your mind up," Jacob said gently.

"I want to stay here! Aren't you going to offer me a chance to stay here or something?" I begged desperately.

"Oh no, that's a one time offer, unless you're dead, you're going to go back. And you are most definitely _not _dead. Your time will come, it's just not today."

"My _time _will never come Jacob! In case you forgot, a stipulation of being a vampire is immortality - meaning I'll _never _die."

Jacob released a loud sigh, and scratched his head in frustration. He started to pace back and forth before stopping abruptly in front of me.

"Bella - I want you here with me more than anything else - but you're not going to be happy - "

I started to protest but he placed a finger gently to my lips and continued.

"You might _think _you're going to be happy because you don't have to deal with Edward or Lucas drama, but in your heart you know you love _him_ best. I think from my perspective, Lucas is like me. He plays into the Bella and Edward love triangle. But don't you see? Even though there will always be a person that 'gets in the way', it'll always be Edward and Bella. I, for one, feel incredibly bad for Lucas, because I've been the person to come between you and Edward, and quite frankly it is not a nice place to be. My suggestion to you is that you go back, and make nice with Lucas and repair your relationship with Edward."

"Jake…"

"And one more thing -" Jacob started.

"What?"

"For the love of all things good, stop landing yourself here all the time. What are you going to do, keep trying to arrive in limbo so you can meet everyone?"

"Sort of," I laughed sheepishly.

"Don't. The dead do not return. Don't prolong your suffering Bella," Jacob said seriously.

He looked at me one last time, before gathering me into a hug. I hugged him back - hard. I clung onto him, trying to memorize everything about him. My image of him over the years had gotten a little bit fuzzy. It was nice to have a reminder of what he looked like.

"I love you, Jacob. You're the best brother anyone could ask for."

"I love you too Bells, but it's time to go back."

And with his words lingering in the back of my mind, I was thrust out of limbo and back into a cold harsh reality that I had no idea of how to live.


	31. 31 The Endless Future

**Author's Note:** I totally forgot an author's note! The horror! This chapter is a rather light one, and it ushers back the reintroduction of the entire Cullen family. Yes, all of them. Emmett and Rosalie will be coming back in later chapters, but they are mentioned - and they are coming! I hope you enjoy and continue to read my fic. Thank you for all the reviews, they are all very kind, and I'm grateful to all my readers and reviewers!

**031. The Endless Future**

"Bella!"

I awoke to the frantic gazes of the two people I loved most - those who were still alive anyway.

"Lucas! Edward! I'm so sorry, I just…"

"Your heart stopped," Edward said strangely. His voice was choked up, like he was unsure of his emotions. He took a small step back and just stood there, still as a statue.

Lucas was doing a quick health inventory of me, and he clicked his tongue a few times, when he found everything to be in satisfactory condition.

"I'm fine, really. I wasn't even out for that long."

"You were unconscious for a half hour Bella, that's pretty extreme," Lucas said fretfully.

"I'm half vampire remember? Unconsciousness is just part of the psychedelic trip that you guys will never get to experience," I said lightly, trying to distill Lucas's obvious distress.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay? I mean, we didn't take you to the hospital, because of all the wonky stuff that's going to come up in your blood work - but if you need to go - I'm sure Dr. Cullen can help,"

Edward took that opportunity to thaw himself out, and interject his little bit, albeit forcefully.

"Carlisle won't object to seeing you Bella, maybe it's best we have him double check that you're okay."

I looked up at him, slightly perturbed by his stark tone, but nodded anyway. This would be a good time to see how the Cullens were doing - especially Alice.

We were greeted at the door by an exuberant Alice and I couldn't help but smile at her happiness. She rushed towards me and gathered me into a big hug.

"Bella! I've missed you so much!"

"Alice!"

Jasper lingered slightly at the fringes of our embrace and shifted slightly from foot to foot. I looked at him and smiled. I extended my arm towards him, and he joined in to form a somewhat awkward hug.

When we finally broke apart, Edward cleared his throat - clearly waiting for an opportunity to ask Carlisle to give me the once over. He was interrupted by a chipper Alice and she bumped him playfully aside.

"I'm getting married!"

"You are?" I stuttered out in complete shock.

"Remarried," Jasper corrected softly.

"Since we've been apart for so long - Jasper proposed again, and I said 'yes'. I can't wait!"

"You were always one to love a party," I said with a long suffering sigh, remembering my fateful birthday party all those years ago.

"This wedding is going to go off beautifully - I predict," Alice tacked on jokingly.

"I'm so happy for you - both," I told Alice and Jasper, and truly I meant it. Although I was never one for a party, the fact that Alice and Jasper had this chance to renew their eternal vows, was really touching. If only I had such a clear cut love life… I was so distracted, I only caught the tail end of whatever Alice was saying, post prediction.

"… Rosalie and Emmett are going to come to the wedding, and move back permanently," Alice tittered on.

This caused a visible response and Edward, and for a moment, all the emotions he felt were seen clearly written all over his face.

"They are? That's great," he said, adding the last bit almost as an afterthought.

"Rosalie will be my bridesmaid - because she's already been my maid of honor, and Bella! You're going to be my maid of honor!"

I started to protest, but my pleas fell on deaf ears. I had convinced myself to attend the wedding, but to be a big part of it? It really wasn't my thing.

"Alice… I don't think…"

"Jasper is going to have Edward as his best man, Emmett as a groomsman and…" Alice trailed off, "… Lucas, if he would do as the honor, as the second groomsman."

"It would be my pleasure," Lucas said softly. He looked very pleased. I felt a small happiness, realizing that Lucas had fallen for my best friend as absolutely as I had.

"Perfect!" Alice said as she clapped her hands gleefully, "Everything works out then. Except for the two gaping holes in my vision, which I assume are Lucas and Bella - my wedding will be great."

"So, when are Rosalie and Emmett coming?" Edward asked in what he thought was a nonchalant tone. The excitement in his voice was obvious.

"They should be here tomorrow evening - we're…" Esme began.

"Picking them up at the airport?!" Edward said incredulously.

I looked up in surprise. Why would Rosalie and Emmett have to stoop as far down as taking a flight to make it from Denali to little old Forks? Wouldn't it be faster for them to race through the borders?

"You're hiding something from me!" Edward said accusingly to his family.

"Only because we want to surprise you," Carlisle said soothingly.

"Tomorrow evening right?" Edward grumbled good naturedly.

"Can I come with you all to pick them up?" I asked hopefully. Rosalie has never thought much of me, but I missed Emmett. He was like the big brother I always wanted, and even though he was really mean sometimes, I missed his genuine kindness. It was also pleasing to me to know that the Cullen family would finally be reunited again. I couldn't help but feel that it was my fault that they were divided into various sectors. It would be good to see them all together again, after all these years.

"Of course you can come with us! Lucas too!" Esme chided me cheerfully.

I looked around the room, and smiled. Esme and Carlisle - their faces erased of all the worries that plagued them for so long - finally able to have their reunited family, Jasper and Alice - getting remarried - at long last after so much time apart, and Edward and Lucas, both - I knew I had to chose, but today wasn't the day. Finally, a climate that Jasper could enjoy. The endless future of possibility.


	32. 32 Glimpses of True Happiness

**Author's Note: **Wow, this is one of my longer chapters. Like I said previously, I've decided to introduce so more levity to my chapters, and this is a definite example of what the next few chapters are going to be like. I hope you enjoy reading this happier, lighter chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks again for all the reviews.

I realize there was a problem regarding reviewing. I think that is due to the fact, with my wonky posting, so my Author's note was treated as a chapter, and when I posted the previous chapter, it was the same chapter heading... and it's just all very confusing. From here on out, everything should be working fine. (Hopefully!)

Thanks for everyone who PM'ed me their reviews because they couldn't get it posted. I'm really grateful that I have such dedicated readers. Props to you all. This chapter is for you guys. :3

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**032. Glimpses of True Happiness**

"Esme, please stop worrying yourself needlessly - they're going to be here," Edward said comfortingly to Esme.

"I know, it's just that I miss them so very much," Esme said softly.

"They're going to be here in two minutes!" Alice said cheerfully, trying to lighten the mood.

The entire group of us looked expectantly to the terminal and sure enough, two minutes later, Rosalie's gorgeous head was seen bobbing through the throngs of much less spectacular looking people. Following close behind her was Emmett and he seemed to be preoccupied with something. Upon closer inspection, the only part of Rosalie that was visible was the top of her head. She too, seemed to be fiddling with something. As they neared, the crowd thinned out, and they both looked up and smiled at us.

"They have _kids_?!" Edward said incredulously to my left.

I snapped my head back in shock and took in a clear view of what was in front of me. And there they were! Emmett and Rosalie headed our way with kids in tow!

"Hey!" Emmett's deep booming voice sounded just above my head. He clapped Edward on the shoulder and Edward gave him a quick hug in return.

"I've missed you, how's it been Emmett? You have _kids_ now?"

"Yea, you know, Rosalie loves her children…"

"How is it even possible?"

By now, Rosalie had finished saying her hello's to everyone, and the girl she was holding onto, firmly latched against Esme.

"They're human," Rosalie said simply.

Edward's face was agape with shock. It seemed to be a trend for him this week - the shocked look. It's rare that Edward is surprised by anything, and this was turning out to be a week of surprises for him.

"They're human?" Edward stuttered.

"Yes. Rosalie and I adopt children who are terminally ill, and when they are about to die, we offer them a chance - to live with us as immortals, or to die as they are."

"Wow, that's…" Edward began, struggling to find a proper word to describe the craziness of it all, "… really something," Edward concluded weakly.

"Why don't we all head home and talk, okay?" Carlisle suggested in a rational voice.

"That sounds good," Emmett said cheerfully.

Edward tentatively held his hand out toward me, and almost as a reflex reaction, I took it automatically. But as I did, I couldn't help but glance at Lucas. He was completely oblivious to us - he was preoccupied with the children. He had the girl in one hand and the boy in the other. So that was the way we were, with the entire Cullen family, hand in hand with their respective loves, Lucas with the children - and Edward and I, walking together as if we had never been apart.

When we arrived back at the Cullen household, we settled ourselves on the floor into a rough circle. Alice was leaning on Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett had a child on their laps, Carlisle's head was resting in Esme's lap, and I was situated comfortably between Lucas and Edward.

"I would like to introduce our twins - Nikki and Kellan," Rosalie said proudly.

She had every reason to be proud of her children. They were absolutely breathtaking. The boy - Kellan, had dark brown hair and green eyes with the most adorable dimples, and the girl - Nikki, was an almost carbon copy of her brother, except her features were softer, more girly.

Rosalie and Emmett took turns introducing the kids to the rest of us, but they stopped unsurely when they reached Lucas. I was about to say something in way of introduction, but Lucas beat me to it.

"Hi, I'm Lucas - Bella's older brother."

Rosalie and Emmett looked at me in surprise.

"You have a brother?"

I looked curiously at Lucas, but I figured this was his way of 'letting go'. And it was true - he was like an older brother to me.

"Yea, I joined Lucas's coven years ago, he's most definitely an older brother to me."

After a few more pleasantries were exchanged, the Cullens, Lucas and I broke off into smaller groups. Rosalie and Emmett were talking earnestly with Carlisle and Esme, where as Jasper and Alice were talking with Lucas - about details concerning the wedding, I assume, Edward was no where to be seen, and I was left with the twins.

I knelt down so that I wasn't so much taller than them. I introduced myself and asked them how old they were.

"We're four," they replied simultaneously. They were absolutely adorable.

Kellan reached for my hand and shook it. I smiled back at him, and turned to Nikki to see if she would like a handshake as well. She just looked at me, smiling.

"What's your name?" she asked me in a clear soprano.

"Bella," I said with a smile.

"You're really pretty Miss Bella," Kellan said thoughtfully.

I looked at him and felt my heart melt.

"You're quite handsome yourself," I said teasingly, while ruffling his hair, "And your sister is just as pretty," I concluded while patting the both of them lightly on the shoulders.

Nikki moved closer to me, and asked shyly, "Do you want to play with us?"

"Sure. What do you have in mind?"

"Can we play 'Emmett Says?'" Kellan asked excitedly.

"Emme- what?" Figures Emmett would name a game after himself. Especially the one game where obedience is mandatory. I snorted quietly to myself as Nikki and Kellan explained the game.

"Sounds fun, why don't we find some more people to play with us?" I had Emmett in mind. I would like to see how he dealt with being ordered around…

"Can I play?" I turned around to a soft velvet voice, and saw Edward's gaze bearing down on me. He crouched down next to me, so that he too was closer to the children in height and smiled at them.

"Can I play the game with you two and Bella?"

"Yes!" Nikki and Kellan said happily. They clapped their hands together and pulled me with them.

"He can be the leader," Kellan said happily, "Because he's a man, just like Daddy."

Edward smirked at me, and I stuck my tongue out, but I complied good naturedly. After all this was just a children's game - one that I've played many times before.

I stood up, and positioned myself in between Kellan and Nikki.

"I'm going to change the game just a little bit, okay?" Edward asked the twins, "Instead of 'Emmett says' it's going to be 'Edward says', okay?" The twins nodded their heads in approval.

Internally I groaned, I hope this wasn't going to get out of hand. Considering my lack of flexibility and overall athleticism, this had potential to be highly embarrassing on my part.

"Edward says touch your toes," Edward started easy.

The kids easily touched them, while I had a bit more difficulty in accomplishing said task. I bent my knees slightly, hoping that no one noticed.

"Edward says get up."

The three of us got up and I rubbed my back. This was going to get painful.

"Edward says spin around without stopping."

The three of us spun around, I was on my fifth spin and getting woozy when I heard Edward say stop. The kids kept spinning, and even though I knew he didn't say 'Edward says', I figured it was best to let the kids win. I was about to stop when I pitched forward with dizziness. I would have went face first into the Cullen's beautiful carpet if Edward hadn't caught me. His face was inches from mine and I felt difficulty in breathing.

"Are you alright?" he said with his eyes probing deep into mine.

"I'm alright," I stuttered. This was so cliché, why couldn't just pull myself together? Why must I be such a damsel in distress?

Edward pulled me back up to my feet and smiled. He bent close to me, as if to kiss me, but whispered softly in my ear instead. _You lose._

I mock punched him, regretting the action almost instantly. I smiled at the twins who were still spinning and Edward laughed loudly.

"Edward says stop!"

The twins stopped and collapsed into two mini heaps on the floor. They were both giggling uncontrollably, and I hoped that they were having as much fun as they seemed to be having.

"Can we play another game?" Kellan asked hopefully.

"Sure, what do you have in mind?" Edward and I asked at the same time. I looked at him, pleasantly surprised by the fatherly side in him.

"Can we play Hide and Seek?" Nikki asked shyly.

"Of course, why don't we see if everyone else wants to play with us?"

Needless to say, the super hearing in the house didn't go to waste. Every single person heard my stipulation, and was gathered around in an instant.

"Let's play! But there will be a few rules," Esme said seriously to Kellan and Nikki, "You _must _hide inside the house, and you are not allowed to break anything - please!" She said the last part playfully, but I knew how unhappy she would be if she were to lose any of her priceless antiques - not for the price, but for their sentimental value.

Kellan offered to be the seeker, but since he was so young, Emmett volunteered to be seeker with him. The two of them stood off in a corner of the living room and started to count backwards from twenty.

"20... 19.… 18.…." Emmett's lower voice boomed.

The rest of the Cullens were definitely using their vampire advantages. They were dashing off every which way, and I sighed - me and my abysmally 'slow' pace.

"10...9... 8..."

With one last look at the two, I too, dashed away from the now almost empty living room. _Let the games begin._


	33. 33 One Moment to Change Everything

**Author's Note**: Wow, another long chapter. These happy chapters really get me going! I hope you all enjoy this chapter and all it's mad fun. ^^ I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and although it does reintroduce some more 'serious' moments, I do hope you enjoy reading this chapter. Thanks again to everyone for all their reveiws. They really encourage me to continue writing more and more, and I'll continue to write this, as long as there is even one person still wanting to read 'Of Lies and Deception'. =D

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**033. One Moment to Change Everything**

Of all places, I ended up in Edward's room. Figures. I knew that time was up already, but it'd probably take some time for Kellan to make his way all the way up those stairs. I ran my fingers lightly across the walls. The last time I had been here was with Alice…

_And I did look. At first glance Edward's room looked unchanged, but as I looked closer I saw that everywhere there were minute changes. Pictures tacked onto the walls of me and Edward, his CD case was lined with CD after CD of his compositions - all dedicated and written for me…_

My hands rested on his collection of music. Enough music here to span almost two centuries. I felt a trifle guilty for snooping, but I figured I had a right. Wasn't he the one that stalked me back in the day?

When I reached the end of the shelves, I held the knob to the closet, contemplating if I should open it. I heard a soft rustle, and thinking it was Kellan, I was about to open the closet door, and hope that it wasn't some dinky little space. But before I could even twist the knob, the door flung open and a pale arm yanked me inside.

"What the hell?!" I hissed into the darkness.

"Shhh, it's me - Edward."

"Like that's supposed to comfort me?! You could have killed me!"

"By pulling you headlong into a pile of soft fabrics?" Edward said sarcastically.

"The door frame…" I trailed off weakly. I felt my face turn red at Edward closeness. The body was formed to the contours of his body. I tried to reposition myself, but Edward was having none of it, if anything he pulled me even closer.

"I would _never _do anything to hurt you again," Edward whispered fiercely into my ear, "Do you understand that? I love you."

"This is slightly awkward…" I began, "You… me… in a closet…"

He laughed loudly, and I turned around to shush him. I pressed my finger lightly against his lip. What I didn't expect was for him to open his mouth. My finger slipped into his mouth and he held it there with his teeth. He didn't press hard enough to break the skin - but if I pulled, it would mostly definitely cut.

"Let go of my finger!" I said glaring at him, knowing that even in the darkness, he'd be able to see my anger - or lack thereof.

"Only if you kiss me," he said with that infuriating smirk of his.

"I will _not _kiss you. It's just a finger, you can have it," I said irritably.

But I knew there was no escaping this. He turned on me with the full force of his eyes, and I was helpless in his gaze. He gently released my finger, and I pulled my hand back. He moved closer - as if that were possible - and leaned his face into mine.

"Won't you please kiss me?"

Hopelessly lost in his smoldering eyes, I reached towards him and pressed my lips softly against his. Eighty years of missing him overwhelmed me, and I felt all my pent up emotions in that one kiss. I brought my hands up to his neck and he pulled me closer. I knew he was restraining back - just a little - because I wasn't invincible yet, but this kiss was really something. Edward broke away from me abruptly and I felt my mouth purse just a little.

"Uncle Edward! Auntie Bella!" Kellan screamed as the closet door flung open. Realizing that was why Edward broke away, made me smile a little bit. He was just as into the kiss as I was.

"Kellan!" I said in surprise as I bent down and gathered him into my arms. I pulled him close, and kissed him lightly on the forehead. Edward knelt down behind me and wrapped his arm loosely around me.

"Good job Kellan! You found us! Who else did you find?"

"Auntie Alice, Mommy, Uncle Carlisle…" Kellan listed off excitedly.

"Wow! So you only have to find Auntie Esme, Uncle Jasper, Nikki and Uncle Lucas!" I said happily, trying to keep the kid hyped up. Turns out he didn't need any hyping up. He struggled free from me and raced off. I followed behind, but not before I heard part of Edward and Emmett's conversation.

"Thanks man, I told you to find us last!" Edward said, annoyed.

"Sorry! Kellan is fast! He raced straight up when he heard your braying choke."

"I was _laughing_, and I was very quiet!"

"Sure you were."

"Besides you're a vampire for crying out loud! You can run faster than a three year old."

"Cut the kid some slack. You already got some… Bella looked pretty kissed."

"Shut up, let's just play the game," Edward grumbled good naturedly.

I smiled to myself as I raced after Kellan's quickly disappearing back. I felt Edward's arms wrap around my waist, and pull me close. He gave me a soft kiss before letting go. He held my hand as we followed Kellan through the rest of the rooms.

We found Esme hiding in the empty pantry and we got a good laugh out of it, because she was tucked away into a little corner, and Kellan almost missed her.

The rest of us had long ago found Jasper, Lucas and Nikki, but we kept quiet, letting Kellan have fun finding some pretty crafty vampires.

Kellan eventually found Jasper hiding in _his _closet, buried behind the rows of Alice's dresses. After we left, Alice conveniently disappeared into the closet with Jasper, and I couldn't help but smile a little at what they were probably up to…

After a few more minutes of playing, Kellan gave up on finding Lucas and Nikki and told them to come out.

Lucas emerged from behind the bookcase, and walked over casually to the piano. He opened the lid and picked up Nikki, who was hiding within. I heard a strangled gasp behind me and I turned around to see a stunned Edward.

"My _piano_. Please, sweetie, tell me you didn't break anything!"

Nikki smiled and raced over to Edward, she hugged his leg and shook her head. Edward breathed a sizable sigh, and I smiled. That piano was so precious to him.

Nikki let go of Edward and ran over to Rosalie, "Mommy, can we play again? I want to be it with you."

"Honey, I think its time we eat dinner, don't you?" Rosalie said, "We can play later though okay?"

I looked out the window and was shocked to see that the sun had almost set, and the world outside was lit with nothing but a dying amber glow. The day had passed by so fast, it was nice.

Nikki pouted a little but nodded her head saying, "I want buddies!"

Kellan chimed in saying he wanted the same. Rosalie nodded her head indulgently and Emmett, who had his arm around her, let go and picked up Nikki with his arms. He cooed to her, and I smothered a smile. This was so surreal, Emmett as a father?

The group of us filed into the kitchen and Rosalie whipped out a cast iron pan. She explained quickly that 'buddies' were pancakes formed into different shapes, and decorated with chocolate chips, and cherries to resemble faces.

"Shouldn't they eat something a little bit… healthier?" I hazarded.

Nikki and Kellan turned to me with their big, big eyes and pleaded, "We _always _eat veggies! Mommy and Daddy_ never _let us have buddies for dinner!"

Rosalie and Emmett smiled while saying, "That's right, we're only having it this one time, okay?"

"Okay," the twins agreed, eager to be given this reprieve.

Esme had gathered chocolate chips, cherries, whipping cream, and various other ingredients to make dinner. Emmett started making the pancake batter, and when he finished Rosalie took the bowl and started to form random shapes in the hot pan with the batter. She flipped them out, golden brown and perfect and slid them onto plates.

Edward, Lucas and I started to make faces, really going all out with them, and when we finished our masterpieces, we slid them over to the kids who dug in appreciatively.

"Would you like one as well Bella?" Rosalie asked, smiling at me.

"No, I'm fine."

Lucas who was to my left, bent over and whispered softly in my ear, "Your eyes my dear, how long has it been since you've eaten?"

"How long has it been since _you've _eaten," I retorted, but I complied, and took the pancake that Rosalie had offered to me. Edward whisked it away from me before I could saying anything, decorating it with all manner of sweets. I grimaced at the both of them, before digging in.

"Better?" I asked, after finishing the overly sweet pancake.

"Much."

"Now that we're done discussing the matter of my diet…"

"We should help clean up," Lucas finished for me.

"Yes, we should," I concurred as I stood up, gathering my plate and fork with me. Esme held her hand up, and scolded me.

"Leave that right there! I'll clean it. Why don't you three head on over to the living room and play cards or something?"

Lucas declined the offer, instead choosing to stay in the kitchen. Nikki and Kellan were inexplicably attracted to him, and I could see why - he was a great person to be around.

Edward held his hand out towards me and with one last look at Lucas, I took it hesitantly. Edward strengthened his grasp on my hand and pulled me out of the kitchen and out the doors. The cool air of the night hit me as he pulled me onto his back, and ran with me towards the dying light.


	34. 34 Forever Is Nothing

**Author's Note: **A much shorter chapter today - my apologies. This chapter is more of a fluff chapter for all the Edward/Bella fans. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I promise that the upcoming chapters will be full of things you didn't expect. Enjoy! And as always, thank you for all the reviews. ^^

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**034. Forever Is Nothing**

"You really have to stop doing that."

"Doing what?" Edward asked, confused.

"Throwing me onto your back and running at break neck speeds. I am perfectly capable of moving myself - I've been doing it for almost a century," I said, with more than a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

"Sorry," Edward said, his face - contrite.

"So…why are we here?" We were back at the meadow again. I should really buy a sign for this place. Maybe it should say something like, 'place to be for mind blowing angst', or something along the lines of that. The amount of angst I got here was starting to be ridiculous.

"No reason, really, I just thought we might talk in an environment where we don't have people surrounding us with super hearing."

"Right," I paused, "So…. What do you want to talk about?"

"Anything really, we have eighty years of missed memories - entirely my fault of course," he said remorsefully.

"Nothing major happened - besides the obvious," I said quietly

"I'm truly sorry for that."

"It's alright," I said carefully, trying to keep the mood light, "Would've happened eventually, besides I got to meet Lucas, so that was nice," I finished weakly. This was really pathetic, knowing that with all that's happened, emotional confrontations were bout to occur, but why couldn't they happen later? I was _happy _now, with Edward here, and the twins… Alice's wedding…

"It's going to be gorgeous - I've seen it in Alice's vision - and everything will come off beautifully… you will be absolutely stunning," Edward said thoughtfully.

"I thought Alice couldn't see me in her visions?" I asked confusedly.

"She can't, but I know," Edward said with a teasing smile.

"I will not be stunning," I said stressing the word, "_Alice_ will be stunning."

"Fine you will be splendid, gorgeous, amazing…" Edward said, a wide smile on his face.

"Shut up," I grumbled.

"I'm more useful than a thesaurus," he said with another huge smile.

I smiled and reached out to hit him, but I missed. He grabbed my hand in the process and pulled me forward. We were both lying on the grass now - my head resting in the hollow of his throat. His chin presses lightly on the top of my head. He had both arms wrapped around me, and I placed my arm tentatively around his waist. He pulled me closer in response.

"I know talking about the past hurts you, but I have to know, so I can never hurt you in any way again," he whispered into my hair.

"It was like I lost myself - like I lost my heart," I said, after a moment of silence.

At those words, Edward all but crushed me against him. It seemed as if he were afraid to let go.

"I will spend all eternity making it up to you," he vowed.

I turned to face him, taking in all of him. His sincere liquid topaz eyes, his smooth pale skin, his lips - his face a masculine replica of mine. Like all of us - ethereally beautiful facades hiding centuries of sorrow.

"It's not what I want. I don't want your guilt for all eternity Edward. I want us to be together and in love. I don't want us together because of guilt. Can you do that for me? Can you let go of all this past guilt and just let us be?"

"How can you be so quick to forgive? What I did was unforgivable."

"No, what I'm doing, the way I'm doing this to Lucas… _that _is unforgivable." And that much was true. I went into a relationship with Lucas knowing full well, that deep down I still loved Edward. But love is so complex. I love Lucas, I do - but he isn't _the one_. Who's to say he couldn't have been? If Edward had never existed…

But even so, I would have spent my life searching for him. Perhaps I would have been happy with Lucas, but it wouldn't have been a complete happiness. Just like Lucas could never be truly happy with me - Isabella was his happiness.

I turned to Edward, curiosity burning in my eyes.

"And you?"

What about me?"

"Did you…meet anyone?"

"It has and always will only be you."

"Nobody for eighty years?" I said dubiously.

"Nobody - except regret."

I stared at him for a moment longer before turning away and resting on his chest. I breathed slowly, taking in the scents of the meadow, mingled with his pure scent. A long moment passed like this, and I savored it. I turned up to him and saw that his eyes were contemplative. I pulled myself closer until my lips rested on the edge of his mouth. He pulled me closer and I gave into a tentative kiss - at first. It deepened and it was all I could do to not fall for him all over again. When we finally broke apart, he smiled my favorite crooked grin at me. I smiled back and held his hand. I settled myself back and slowly drifted.


	35. 35 To Wish Impossible Things

**Author's Note: **This chapter is much longer than the former and that makes me happy. Originally this chapter was supposed to be a short and happy one, but it just kept going, which I guess is a good thing in this case. It has a bit more Alice in it, for all the Alice fans (myself included). There's also some Emmett and his unfiltered thoughts, but I tried to keep it clean. ;) I hope you all enjoy this chapter and look forward to chapter 36. Once again, thank you for all the reviews, they are all greatly appreciated. They really encourage me to write more. :)

This chapter is special in that it is a milestone for "Of Lies and Deception"... this fanfiction is over a 100 pages! Hopefully when I finish it will be long enough that you will all be happy with it, without being bored out of your minds. ^^"

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**035. To Wish Impossible Things**

When I awoke, I was conscious of the light that was breaking through tentatively through the trees. I scrambled up to a sitting position - embarrassed at leaving Edward in such a position for so long. He, however looked unperturbed. A smile lighted his face and his eyes were closed. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and contemplated what I should do. I was just about to poke him - who knows, maybe in eighty years he finally learned how to sleep - when he spoke.

"You don't talk in your sleep anymore," Edward commented.

"Really? Maybe because I was at peace yesterday," I said with a smile.

"I'm glad," he said as he got up, pulling me up with him.

"I think, maybe we should head back - they'll be wondering where we are," I suggested, knowing full well that the entire Cullen family _and _Lucas probably already knew exactly where we were.

"Right," Edward retorted, "But you're right, we should head back. Lots of wedding planning today,"

I groaned - after eighty years, parties were still not really my thing. I climbed reluctantly onto Edward's back, thinking of all the atrocious outfits that Alice was bound to stuff me in. Granted I'd fit much better into those said outfits than I would have ever back in the day, but jeans and converse were really more my style.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts, that I didn't realize we were back home until I heard one of Emmett's unfiltered remarks.

"Most people look blissful the morning after - Bella just looks pissed. I know you were a virgin and all, but _dude _were you _that _bad?"

I heard a crack as Edward punched Emmett's arm. I turned to glare at him and hissed loudly, "We did _not _have sex!"

I would have thought that with fatherhood Emmett would have installed a filter, but I guess not.

"Whoops," Emmett said grinning, "Rosalie needs help with the kids." With one last look at me, he glanced meaningfully at Edward, saying, "Seriously - advice is free, you just have to ask!"

I picked up the nearest pillow and chucked it at him. He caught it neatly and tucked it under his arm. He stuck his tongue out at me as he dashed up the stairs.

Alice came twirling down the stairs, ignoring Emmett's rapidly retreating back. A wide smile split her face, and the mischievous glint in her eye made my heart drop.

I tried to sidle away, but Alice griped my wrists.

"Oh no, we're going to try on your dress today - _you _wasted all day yesterday, disappearing for the whole night!"

"Alice…" I moaned, "Do we really need to do this? I promise I'll fit into anything you give me… as long as I don't have to shop!"

"No worries, I have your dress picked out - I just need to do all the finalizing details… the wedding _is _tomorrow."

Since the affair was going to be a small and private of renewal of vows, it didn't take Alice long to plan and throw the whole shebang together. I guess in a way it made sense - why prolong the renewals any longer? The whole thing was just an excuse for Alice to throw a party. And Jasper was indulging her as penance for all those missed years.

Alice pulled me forcefully up the stairs and I groaned. Edward and Lucas smiled at me but made no move to free me. Alice turned to smile at me and told me she had already threatened them.

"What did you say?" I asked warily.

"If they come save you - I'm going to force them to wear pink suits," Alice gloated with a smug smile.

I shot daggers at the both of them as Alice and I rounded the corner. She shuffled me into her room, and I was surprised to see Rosalie already there with Nikki. Rosalie smiled at me in understanding and I put on a martyred expression. Nikki ran over to me, hugging my leg. I patted her absentmindedly, my thoughts preoccupied with the impending dress fittings.

Alice emerged from her closet with three large black garment bags thrown over her shoulder. She placed them gently on the love seat and opened one of them.

The first dress was obviously for Nikki. It was the most adorable little dress. It was satiny with a skirt of taffeta - lavender in color. Nikki walked over obediently to Alice and was whisked away into the bathroom. She emerged a few moments later, looking absolutely precious. Alice had added lavender and white ribbons to Nikki's dark hair and added a smidgen of lip gloss.

Alice picked up the next two garment bags and was about to pull it out and follow through the exact same way as she did with Nikki, but Rosalie gave Alice a meaningful stare. Alice nodded her head, and handed one of the garment bags to Rosalie, who then walked off into the bathroom on her own. Alice proffered me the final garment bag and I took it gamely. I waited patiently for Rosalie to emerge - which didn't take long.

She looked absolutely stunning. Her long blond hair was twisted into a messy bun and tied back with flowers. The dress itself was beautiful - but on Rosalie it paled in comparison. The dress flowed like water on Rosalie - silver satin with a flowing lavender bow at the waist. Alice clapped her hands in approval and indicated that I should make my way to try on my dress as well.

I took my time in the bathroom, dreading the thought of how I would look in comparison to the timeless beauty that was Rosalie and Alice the almost blushing bride to be.

I slipped on the dress, it was a truly gorgeous dress. With my back to the mirrors, I reveled in the luxurious feel of the satin against my skin. I twirled and the fabric moved with me. I stepped hesitantly out of the bathroom, still unwilling to look in the mirror.

Rosalie and Alice smiled at me, while Nikki clapped her hands. I smiled, but asked quickly if I could change out of the dress. Alice nodded begrudgingly and promised me that tomorrow I would _have _to look at myself at least once. I assured her that I would not and hurried back into the bathroom to change. I slipped back into my comfortable jeans and black shirt. I tied my hair into a ponytail as I walked back in the bedroom.

"The florists just arrived - we're going to start arranging flowers, do you want to help?"

"I'll try?" I said with an embarrassed giggle. Unlike the Cullens', over the past eighty years I had not gained any skills worth mentioning. Sure, I was knowledgeable in many subject areas, but creativity was something I could never learn. I did however learn to appreciate things - namely fast cars.

Alice herded us down the stairs and into the kitchen. And what a sight the kitchen was. Carlisle, Esme, Kellan, Emmett, Edward and Lucas were practically buried in flowers. Orchids were overflowing from every pot and glass vases were perched dangerously on whatever empty surface that was untouched by flowers.

The boys picked themselves out of the flowers carefully, making sure not to ruin anything. Emmett gave Alice a hopeful look, and I was confused for the reason why. Alice let out a long suffering sigh.

"Yes Emmett, you may take the rest of them to start the bachelor party."

Emmett let a loud whoop, and I saw that Edward, Jasper and Lucas were trying really hard to suppress their smiles. Emmett quickly said goodbye to Rosalie and the twins, and with a casual wave headed out. Edward gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before joining Emmett. Jasper hugged Alice for a long moment before letting go and smiling at her. One look and I could tell why she fell for him. His smile was magnificent.

Lucas came over and gave me a hug. I looked up at him and smiled and he reciprocated - but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Are you okay," I asked, worried.

"Yes. I just feel sorry that you have to work so hard," he said with a grin - this one lighting up his eyes.

I gave him a grin back and hugged him close. He held me for a fraction of a second longer than usual, and bent down to kiss me softly on my cheek. I blinked back a tear that threatened to fall. I held his hand for a second before letting go, and putting on a brave face. I smiled and told him to have fun.

"Goodbye Bella," he said. His voice seemed to be full of an unfathomable sadness. But just as quickly as I heard it, he happily yelled at the boys outside that he was heading out. With one last smile and a wave, he was gone.


	36. 36 Hanging On By A Moment

**Author's Note: **Since I am never one for big affairs, I kept Alice's wedding a muted affair. I think it is much more meaningful to have their renewal of vows in such an intimate setting. I hope you enjoy this chapter and look forward to Chapter 37. I assure you that it will be explosive. ;) Thank you for all the reviews, they mean a lot to me and really encourage me to keep and writing and posting on an almost daily basis. :)

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**036. Hanging On By A Moment**

I woke up feeling incredibly disorientated and hung over. Last night had been insane thanks to Alice's makeshift bachelorette party. We were up well after midnight, and although it didn't effect anyone else, it was sure as hell affecting me. My head was pounding, and I regretted all the cocktails that I had downed last night. I groaned as a ran my fingers through my hair, pulling out bits of flower petals. I hoped that most of Alice's flowers survived last night.

I pulled myself out of bed and tried to make myself presentable. The wedding was due to start in two hours, and no doubt Alice was itching to do my makeup and hair. I pulled a hairbrush quickly through my hair and slipped on my dress. I smoothed out some nonexistent wrinkles and took a deep breath. At that moment, Alice burst through the door and smiled hugely at me. In her hands was a gigantic box, whose contents I hazard to guess contained every makeup product she ever purchased.

Conceding with good grace - it was her wedding day after all - I sat obediently on the edge of the bathtub. She bustled around, setting up her makeshift salon.

"You look like hell," she commented, as she applied a thick coat of mascara.

"I wonder why," I replied sarcastically, trying not to blink. I really did like my eyes.

"Don't laugh," Alice warned as she completed the finishing touches on my makeup.

When she stepped back to admire her masterpiece, a smile lighted her face. At least _she _was happy. I knew that no amount of makeup would ever make me even worthy of comparison with Rosalie or her.

"Rosalie and Nikki are all ready, the guys _should_ be ready," Alice said happily.

I got up and followed her as she walked out. We met Rosalie and Nikki at the top of the stairs, and Rosalie complimented me on my appearance. I returned her compliments and gushed at how cute Nikki looked.

The only person left to get ready was Alice, and Rosalie and I offered to help. She declined, and disappeared into her room for a few moments. When she emerged I gasped. Alice looked breathtakingly beautiful in her wedding dress. The bare backed halter neck gown with its form fitting cream bodice and plunging neckline set off Alice's pale skin perfectly. The floor length tulle skirt in lavender accentuated the 'princess' effect, and completed her overall look splendidly. Her normal pixyish hair was lengthened with the addition of hair extensions and pulled into a simple updo with a single orchid placed precariously to hold it all together. Nikki smiled delightedly and ran over to Alice. Alice bent over to pick up Nikki, and together the four of us descended the stairs to join Esme and Carlisle who were waiting with Kellan.

"You look wonderful," Esme and Carlisle said with a smile, as they saw Alice. They in turn complimented the rest of us.

Carlisle was dressed simply in a classic tuxedo, whereas Esme channeled the thirties with her pencil skirt, and simple ruffled top. Kellan looked adorable in his little tuxedo. He was bursting with pride that he got to be the ring bearer. The group of us made our way to the Cullen garage, and Alice was careful not to ruin her dress.

We piled into the Mercedes, with Nikki on my lap, and Kellan in Rosalie's lap and Alice in the back with Esme and Carlisle in the front. We were headed to a small chapel on the edge of a private beachfront property. Today was slightly overcast, which was good, because then the full vampires in our party wouldn't give off a heart stopping sparkle. When we reached the chapel, we filed out of the car carefully. Esme excused herself so that she could see how the boys were faring, and Carlisle bent down to give Kellan the rings.

Rosalie and I were handing Nikki the flower basket and taking care of all the minute details. We smoothed Kellan's hair down, and fluffed out Nikki's skirt. Esme hurried back out and told us that they were ready for us. She and Carlisle went back into the chapel, as he was officiating the ceremony. The chapel was to be mostly empty, as the only guests were the Cullen family, Lucas and myself. We neared the chapel doors, and I could hear Edward playing on the piano. We nudged Nikki forward and she walked delicately down the aisle with her little basket of flower petals. Kellan followed after - walking slowly and taking great pains not to drop the rings. Rosalie and I followed after, one after another. As Rosalie and I took our positions at the front, Edward began playing the first strains of Wagner's march. I looked up to smile at him, and noticed a glaring gap in the groomsmen. _Where was Lucas?_

I fidgeted slightly with my flower bouquet, trying not to worry about Lucas. There was no reason why he wasn't here, was it my fault?

As Alice made her way down the aisle, I ran through a hundred different reasons why Lucas wasn't here.

As touching as the ceremony was, I was barely there. My mind was miles away. Why didn't Edward tell me that Lucas wasn't here? Was seeing me here, in this setting too painful for Lucas to handle? Maybe he'd be back for the reception? Maybe he needed to hunt?

As the ceremony ended and we all filed out I made my way quickly to Edward.

"Where is Lucas?" I asked him worriedly.

"I don't know," he said, his face a mask of confusion, "He told us last night that he couldn't join us for our bachelor party because you needed him."

"What? He said he was going with you guys," I replied, my voice equally confused.

"I'm sure he's fine," Edward said with confidence, "Don't worry about it Bella, love, he'll be here for the reception," Edward said, pulling me into a hug.

"I don't know," I said, biting my lip, "I think I should go see…"

"I'll come with you," Edward offered.

"No, its fine," I assured him, "You need to stay here, Alice's wedding party is starting to diminish at an alarming rate, I'll be back soon," I paused, "I promise."

Edward looked at me hesitantly, but let me go. He kissed me softly on my mouth and I smiled at him.

"Tell Alice I'm sorry, and I'll be back soon," I said as I slipped away. I went quickly to Carlisle and asked if I could borrow the car. He agreed instantly, just as worried as I was about Lucas's mysterious disappearance.

I climbed into the car, racing off with only one destination in mind - Charlie's house.


	37. 37 Ashes of Dreams I Let Die

**037. Ashes of Dreams I Let Die**

I screeched to a stop, a few feet away from Charlie's door. I raced inside and got changed quickly, throwing the dress carelessly on my bed. I'd owe Alice a dry cleaning bill.

I knew from the moment I stepped in the house that Lucas had been here, but had already left. I checked his room, just to be sure, and sure enough, it was empty. I ran back down the stairs and was just about to leave, when I noticed a letter - handwritten - to me. It lay on top of a pile of letters, all addressed to Lucas and me. I put the handwritten note aside for a moment, to pursue the other letters. They all looked the same, and there was an alarming number of them. I ripped open the envelope and started to read furiously. _Crap. Expelled?! _I figured I'd get suspended or something for missing so much school, but they really went to the extreme. _Expelled. _I sighed loudly, but this wasn't the time for regret. I reached for the handwritten letter - afraid to read it. The whole thing screamed with a foreboding aura and it really scared me. I cautiously unfolded the letter and started to read.

_Dearest Bella, I'm only telling you the following because I know that if I leave you in the dark, you'll do something stupid and make me feel guilty._

I smiled for a moment, Lucas knew me so well, but my heart was still pounding. This letter screamed agony, but I could not set it down.

_Before you continue reading, I suggest you sit down. The only reason I'm telling you about this at all is because I do not want you to come find me. I don't need you to needlessly worry about me, because I am taking this as punishment for my past transgressions._

I put down the letter for a moment, trying to process it all. What were Lucas's past transgressions? He has always been the most wonderful, but truly, what did I know about him except the past eighty years? He's had a life way before me… With my heart full of dread, I continued to read.

_I know I haven't been very forthcoming with who I was, or what I did before I met you - and that is with good reason. I could see the shock in your eyes when I told you about Isabella, and I knew that it would be best if I didn't tell you anymore. I'm writing all this to you now, because I want you to know that whatever happens to me, it was well deserved. _

_Before you, I was somewhat of a mercenary. I killed people Bella. I know its cliché, the boy who killed and then stopped for love, but it's true. All those people whose lives I took, I regret. And it's something that I have lived most of my life with. I killed those people, knowing that I was taking away their lives; that I was taking away something precious from the people they loved, but I didn't care - because I couldn't feel. I didn't know love, therefore I could not cherish it. If it had been any other way, my life would not have played out the way it did, and I would not have been able to meet Isabella - or even you. I am glad that you had the chance to be with your love again, the way I could not be with mine. I am not doing this because I'm hurting over you. I do, but this is not why I'm heading into this like a fool. I'm doing this for you, for all the people whose lives I stole, and for Nikki and Kellan. _

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and I gripped the edge of the table tightly. This letter was reading out like a suicide note. Somehow, even before I read the ending, I knew the inevitable end.

_It is in all irony, that I will burn for my sins. When we went to the Volturi, Aro caught more than a glimpse of my gift. He caught the vision of my entire life. Some of the things I've done, they could not let go unpunished. I chose not to run, because I do not want them to come here - where there is so much to lose. I will go to them, and I will accept my punishment. I know that it will be death, and makes me sad that my last sight will not be of the people I love, but visions of all the pain that I caused and could not forget._

_By the time you read this, I will no longer be on this earth. Perhaps it is all for the best, as now you will have no reminders of what could have been with me. I know you loved me, but it was not enough. I want you to know that I understand. Edward is and always will be the only one. As my dying wish, I want you to leave this. Do not come to Italy - it will only cause you pain, and endanger the ones you love. Please, if you loved me at all, do not follow, one death is enough. _

_Do not be sad, my love, this is my choice. I have lived long enough, I think that maybe it is time for me to leave. I will never forget the times we had, or the moments we shared. And wherever it is that vampires go at death, I will be there, watching over you and Edward and all the Cullens. Have a happy eternity Bella, it is a happiness you deserve._

I could feel my face streaked with tears. The letter started to stain with all the tears that I could not hold back. I tried blotting it out - this letter must be kept for it would be all I have left of Lucas.

A soft click tore me from my pain. I looked up through a sheen of tears at Edward's approaching figure. Without a word he pulled me into his arms. I cried hard into his shoulder - ruining his suit. I sniffled and gave him the letter.

Edward quickly scanned it and I saw his eyes widen in shock. He placed it back down gently on the kitchen table.

"I never knew," he whispered, "We have to go get him."

"No, we can't. He told us that we cannot, and I agree."

"Bella, this is going to hurt you…"

"I know. But what can we do. It's been almost two days since he was gone. There is nothing we can do. I don't know much, but I'm pretty sure the Volturi don't wait to punish people."

Edward pursed his lips together into a thin line. He seemed contemplative for a moment, as if he was unsure of how to answer.

"What if they pardoned him? Then what Bella?"

"He will come back to us," I said softly, "But, somehow I know that isn't it. Lucas went into this knowing that there would be no pardon. I just wish that we could at least have his ashes."

"Vampires do not have ashes. When we burn - all that is left is smoke."

"I know," I said, my voice cracking, "But I can't leave him like this. I want him to be at a place where he can be remembered for always."

I turned to face Edward and I held his hand.

"I love you," I began earnestly, "But Lucas was a big part of my life. Without him, I wouldn't have been strong enough to even see you again. _He _was the one that told me to stay when all I wanted to do was run far away from Forks. We owe him everything."

"Even though we don't have ashes to bury, perhaps we could still have a funeral for Lucas. To honor him."

"But Alice's wedding," I said fretfully.

A soft voice interrupted our conversation.

"What wedding," Alice said dismissively, "It was just a renewal of vows. Jasper and I have forever - this funeral is going to happen, and soon."

The entire Cullen family had slipped into Charlie's house without my notice. Jasper held Alice tightly, and he nodded at me in understanding.

"I was a mercenary once. I know the feeling, and I believe that it is admirable of Lucas to sacrifice everything for love," Jasper said kindly, "The funeral should happen within the week I think."

Rosalie and Emmett stood quietly off to the side with Carlisle and Esme. Emmett held a sleeping Kellan in his arms and Carlisle was holding Nikki, who was sleeping as well. They all nodded in agreement. I looked around at all the people who I loved, and felt tears start to well up again. They loved Lucas almost as much as I did, and they understood that this was something I needed. The only way that I could get closure was to let this go in a way that Lucas would be forever honored.

Alice bustled quickly to my side, and gave me a hug. She held me there for a moment, while dabbing my tears dry.

"Don't worry Bella. I'll take care of everything."

I started to object, but she cut me off.

"It is because of you and Lucas and Edward that Jasper is even here with me. He is as important to this family as you are. Don't worry, I will plan all of it. Do you have a place in mind?"

I didn't need to think, because I knew the exact spot where Lucas should be laid to rest.

_Isabella._

* * *

**Author's Note: **Yep, I changed it up and did the Author's note at the end of the Chapter. What can I say? I really love Lucas, and doing this wasn't the happiest thing for me. But it was the only way I thought that Lucas would get a powerful ending. I didn't think that it'd be fitting for Bella to keep yo-yoing around her feelings between Edward and Lucas, and I didn't think that it would be in Lucas's character to love three times. He loved Isabella in the way that Edward and Bella love each other. He loved Bella, and that is undeniable, but that level of love paled in comparision to what he would always feel for Isabella. I know that some readers will be unhappy with the way Lucas went, but if there was any other way - I would have taken it.

I hope that this will give you guys a bit of understanding into why I wrote what I did. I'll understand if there are flames, but really - I'm not bringing him back to life. (Sorry! ^^") I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, as much as it can be enjoyed, and continue to read _Of Lies and Deception. _Thank you for all the reviews, they are all greatly appreciated.


	38. 38 When It Isn’t Like It Should Be

**Author's Note: **Happy April Fool's Day! No pranks here, I'm not creative enough I'm afraid. The last chapter was a really sad one (I cried while writing it) and although this one isn't a happy chapter per se, I hope that it'll bring resolution to Lucas's story. (Hope I'm not giving *too* much away) I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and once again thank yo for all the reviews. I am glad Lucas is so beloved. =) I love him lots too. ^^

**038. When It Isn't Like It Should Be**

"…till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return," the priest intoned solemnly.

I felt Edward tighten his grip around me as I swayed slightly. It had been less than a week since Lucas passed, and I still felt an overwhelming gulf of unhappiness whenever I thought of him.

Alice had thrown herself into the preparations, so that the funeral could take place as soon as possible. We were all gathered at the cemetery - the Cullen family and almost half the school. There was nothing like dying to bring people you barely knew coming together in droves to honor you. At first I had wanted something small and private - a true memorial for Lucas, with no lies. Alice had suggested that it would be best to forge a new façade so that it would seem like Lucas died tragically - which he did. We just couldn't tell everyone else the exact circumstances.

As the priest wrapped up the ceremony - how ironic - the teenagers started to huddle in droves. Some came up to me to comfort me, and others took the opportunity to mingle and 'reminisce' about a man they did not even truly know.

Alice tactfully began to lead them towards their cars, and off to the Cullen house for refreshments. I looked over gratefully at Alice and she smiled at me. She knew that I would need this time - even with her special gift. The priest nodded slightly at us, before he too strode off. In a few minutes, it was just me and Edward surrounded by the flowers that people had gifted on Lucas's behalf.

I shuddered slightly, things were not supposed to end this way. There were supposed to be no funerals in a vampire world. We're immortal for the love of all things good!

Edward pulled me closer and I pressed my face against his chest. I didn't want the tears to fall and ruin his suit so I tried hard to keep them in. He stroked my hair softly, whispering condolences in my ear.

I pulled away from him and looked up at him. His eyes were filled with understanding as he gave me one more quick hug.

"I'll be waiting for you," he said softly.

"Thank you," I whispered back. I needed this time to be alone, to truly say goodbye to Lucas. Edward was giving me this gift - allowing me to be by myself in mourning for Lucas.

"Call me when you're ready," Edward said as he began to walk away towards the car. I heard the engine start, and when I truly knew I was alone, I made my way to the freshly dug earth.

The skies were as gray as the gravestone. There had been a light mist today, nothing strong enough to keep mourners inside. I ran my fingers lightly across the stone. _Lucien Malone. At rest for all eternity. _There had been no date of birth or death, because it was unfair to Lucas to have to carry on a façade even into his death. Besides, I didn't even know his true date of birth - it was best to forgo that detail and just leave it with his name and a saying.

I stood there for a long time as absorbed as I was in the memories of what Lucas and I once had.

"_I will protect you, I promise that as long as I am here, you'll be safe."_

_I closed my eyes and nodded. Out of nowhere he tapped me on my nose. Running away laughing he yelled._

He had always been there for me, why couldn't I have been there for him? Just this once, why couldn't I be the one that sacrificed all for the one I loved? I thought back to his first confession…

"_I," he paused, "I love you."_

"_Oh Lucas…"_

"_I know that Edward is your partner and he'll always be, but I can't stop this. I've fallen in love with you and I tried so hard not to."_

That day, among all the pain and confusion I felt over Edward, he had revealed a part of him that he kept hidden for so long. He let himself be vulnerable to me, so that I would not be afraid…

_The small clearing was decorated with dozens of fairy lights. And there were fireflies flitting about. The moon illuminated the clearing with a misty blue light, and that mixed with the white lights created a dreamy haze. _

"_I wanted something special to celebrate our arrival here…" _

Everything that Lucas has done for me in the past, when I was sad, when I was happy - he was always there with me, ready to celebrate, ready to comfort. I felt my knees buckle as I fell onto the soft earth. My hands gripped the gravestone, as if it were a life preserver.

The stone was warm, as the skies had cleared, and the sun broke out just in time to set. Its long golden rays stretched across the endless expanse of stones.

As I looked at the bright light, I saw a glint of dark brown hair in the distance. I blinked a few times, certain that I was imagining things. Was my grief so much that figments of my imagination willed itself into reality?

But no, it really was Lucas. I felt myself lean instinctively forward, as if to draw him in. His face lighted with the most familiar smile, made only brighter by the happiness that shone radiantly on his face. But it was not I for which he smiled so brilliantly for. It was another girl, one with the most gentle face. Her face was framed with long black tresses, and her eyes shone with happiness.

I looked on at the glaring sun, unable to tear my eyes away from the couple. Lucas leaned in and cupped the woman's face in his hands. He gave her the most tender kiss, before his eyes connected with mine. He smiled gently at me, and wavered. The sun was gone now, set behind the darkened sky - taking Lucas and presumably Isabella with it.

I smiled slightly to myself, I wasn't the only one who would live an eternity with my true love. I hugged myself for a moment, pretending that it was a goodbye hug to Lucas. The closure that I needed had come with amazing grace. All I had ever wanted was for Lucas to be happy, and in all senses he was. To be with one's love forever is a gift, one that I was glad that Lucas had bestowed with.

I pressed my lips against the sun warmed granite and stood up. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and with a serenity I had not felt in a long time, I called Edward, and awaited my own destiny.


	39. 39 The Beginning

**Author's Note: **Well, this is it. The end. Enjoy this chapter and thank you for all the reviews!

**Epilogue - The Beginning**

_Edward came within minutes and gathered me into his arms. He seemed surprised by my lack of tears and I smiled. I snuggled closer against him before saying, "Lucas has his happy ending - don't you think it's our turn?"_

_If he was at all surprised by my admission, he didn't let it show. He just took my hand and walked with me to the awaiting car. He got in and drove off at a leisurely pace home. _

_I hugged myself close, and waited for the unknown future._

"Mommy, Daddy! Come see what I drew today!"

I crouched down to my son's eye level as he came barreling at me, his face radiant with joy and childish innocence. He ran into my arms and I picked him up, snuggling him close to me. Edward appeared behind me and wrapped his arms tight around my waist.

"What did you draw?" Edward asked, his voice full of curiosity.

"I drew us!" he exclaimed happily, "I drew me and mommy and you, and then I drew Auntie Alice and Rosalie and cousin Nikki. I also drew Uncle Jasper and Emmett and cousin Kellan." he babbled on happily.

"So you did," I said smiling, "But how about grandpa and grandma?"

Realizing his grave mistake he broke out of my arms and ran straight back to his drawing table. I could hear him scribbling furiously away, and I couldn't help but smile even wider.

I felt Edwards lips at my neck and his hands pulling me closer. I turned towards him and met his lips in a heart stopping kiss. As usual my body started to curve suggestively against his, when I heard an embarrassed cough. I broke out of my stance, and saw Nikki standing awkwardly at the doorway. I released my hold completely on Edward and stepped slightly away, so that Nikki wouldn't feel like she was intruding. Nonetheless, Edward held my left hand, playing absentmindedly with my wedding ring.

"Hey Nikki, what's up? How can I help you?"

"Sorry Aunt Bella, but I was wondering if I could borrow your pink blouse tonight - you know, for my date," she finished off with an embarrassed laugh, and a quick glance at Edward.

"Of course you can, you know you don't have to ask, you can always borrow clothes from me," I reminded her as I strode across the room to give her a hug.

"Have fun tonight," I whispered as I pulled her into a quick hug. She replied thankfully and hugged me back. She broke off and headed up to my room.

"She really took well to being a vampire," Edward commented in my ear.

"She is very well suited to this life," I replied. And Nikki had taken well to being a vampire - she and Kellan both.

When they had turned seventeen, Rosalie and Emmett had carefully explained tot hem who we truly were. They were offered the chance to be one of us. At the time, both of them were on the brink of death - being HIV positive since birth which eventually developed into full blown AIDS. They had both agreed wholeheartedly to becoming vampires. As newborns, they both had exhibited extraordinary self control. Rosalie and Emmett had been so proud as parents, that they had not adopted any children since.

I cuddled closer to Edward and was about to give myself into a kiss when I heard footsteps approaching rapidly.

"Okay mommy, I added grandma and grandpa _and _Uncle Lucas," my son said proudly.

"Uncle Lucas?" I asked, shock evident in my voice.

"Yes! Uncle Lucas is an angel watching over all of us!" he said as he thrust the drawing at me. And sure enough, there was an angel with its arms outstretched over us. Edward took the drawing out of my hand, and complimented it profusely. My baby's eyes shone, as he drank in the praises. However, before Edward had even finished, he was off again - ready to tackle his new project.

My mind was miles away as the drawing stared back at me, and I only just heard Edward's question.

"What are you thinking of?"

"Lucas," I said softly, unsure of how to adequately describe what I was feeling.

"Ah, of course," Edward replied lightly, but I was already far away from the Cullen house.

_Two years after Lucas's death, Edward and I were married in a simple ceremony on the beach. My wedding dress was a vintage white dress, cut on a bias, coupled with a lace veil. The ceremony had been one of the most beautiful moments in my very long life. Shortly after we married, we moved out to Alaska for a few years - ten to be exact. It killed me to leave Forks because I was leaving behind everything I had spent so long to build up, but what hurt me most was the thought that I wouldn't be able to visit Lucas's grave. Edward had appeased me by asking the Carlisle and Esme, who were staying behind in Forks with the rest of the family, to place fresh flowers on Isabella's and Lucas's graves every day._

_In Alaska we had not returned to school - instead we chose to pose as a young couple just starting out, which was not difficult, as that was essentially the truth. Those years had been wonderful, magical - walks in the park everyday, charming dates and private moments that we had missed eighty years off. _

_We came back to Forks for one reason only - the main reason anyway - because I was pregnant. On our tenth anniversary, Edward and I had a particularly lust filed night and that had resulted in a pregnancy. Why it chose to take hold on that particular night, and not on all the other nights, we will never know, but that doesn't stop me from being grateful every single day._

_Edward and I had been unsure of what to do, so we had returned to Forks to seek Carlisle's help. _

_My pregnancy had lasted four months - my baby growing twice as fast as a human baby. It was in these months that I became closer to Esme. She was the only one in the family who had ever experienced having a baby, she helped me through all my mood swings and morning sicknesses. In fact, the whole family had rallied together - who would have ever expected a vampire child?_

_Jasper, Emmett and Kellan had thrown themselves completely into designing baby furniture. Rosalie, Alice, Nikki and Esme made it their own personal mission to make sure my baby would be kitted in the best of everything._

_Edward, oh Edward, he was at my side always. Carlisle was forever flitting about, always around at the insistence of Edward in case I was in pain and needed medication, but I knew that he was also excited, how long had it been since he had the joy of learning something he didn't know?_

_My beautiful baby boy, was born on a brilliantly sunny day. He arrived with nearly no pain on my part, and I was almost conscious for the whole thing. When Carlisle handed me my baby, my heart overflowed with love. He was perfect - from his bronze hair to his glittering green eyes framed with thick black lashes. Even before he was born, I knew without a doubt, that he would bear in remembrance, the names of the two people that I had loved and had loved me back, but lost. Jacob Lucien Cullen. Anything else would have been a lesser name. Edward had agreed completely and totally with my choice in name, and for that I was happy._

_He lived like a little prince in the beautiful room that had been built for him. The walls were painted a brilliant shade of sky blue, and was decorated with large chocolate brown polka dots - reminiscent of my eyes - or so they say. There was a handmade crib and dresser, as well as a table, and chairs and many other little wooden creations. _

_Jake had grown to where he is now, surrounded by so much love. He was spoiled beyond reason, but curiously enough he was not spoilt. Even among his aunt's pampering, and Edward and mine's limitless adoration, it seemed to produce in him a king of surprised humility. He took in everything with his clear and curious eyes, and he loved, as much as he was loved, if not more. _

_Being as unique as he was, Jacob aged twice as fast mentally, then he did _physically. So at three years, he had the mental capabilities of a six year old. He _glowed slightly when he was in the sun, and Carlisle hypothesized that Jacob's skin might be impenetrable, but of course we would never test that. Jacob ate food, so that resulted in the kitchen always being well stocked - albeit not with the most heart healthy foods._

It was that thought that brought me back home and to Edward.

"Welcome back," he said quietly.

I turned to him and pulled him into a tight hug. He hugged me back, surprise coloring his expression. He kissed me softly but I had to pull away.

"Time for lunch," I said with a smile.

"For the human or for us?" he said with a smirk.

I stuck my tongue out at him, as I walked backwards toward Jacob. When I reached him, I scooped him up in my arms and started to tickle him with my hair.

"Stop it mommy! What's for lunch?"

"I don't know…" I began, "… how about… Auntie Rosalie and Uncle Emmett's famous… buddies!" I declared with a flourish.

"Buddies!? _Really?!_" Jacob said excitedly.

At that moment, Rosalie and Emmett breezed down the stairs, evidently having heard our exchange from their room upstairs.

"You heard right little man," Emmett said with a grin, taking Jacob into his arms, "We're going to make you our super special famous buddies!"

The whole family joined in on the fun, with Alice and Jasper taking out the plates and cups, Rosalie and Emmett prepping the batter and pan, Nikki and Kellan getting the embellishments, Jacob running around excitedly and Edward and I keeping an eye on everything.

Everything was perfect, the way it was supposed to be. I stood slightly back, taking everything in perspective. After so many years, we were all together again - as a family. I smiled as I saw my son play with the chocolate chips - Nikki and Kellan swallowing them to appease him. _I hope you're just as happy as I am now at this moment. _I thought silently to Lucas and to Charlie and Jacob and everyone else that was not here with me physically.

Even though they were gone, their memories lingered and I could imagine for just one moment, everyone standing together in this kitchen, crowded in on each other - and with that memory I felt my whole body warm up. _If only_.

Pulling myself back to earth, I joined in the fun. It felt like at this very moment, I was finally able to myself. No longer living in the shadow of regret, sadness and 'what could have been'. I gave myself into the fun, but couldn't help but think a quick errant thought. _This is only the beginning. _


	40. 40 Author's Note and Dedication

**040. Dedication and Comments **

Wow, I finally finished 'Of Lies and Deception'. After sixty days, it is finally completed. I hope that the ending lived up to expectations and that it was overall was an enjoyment to read. It is a bittersweet finale, as I feel that this is as far as I can take this story, but I really am not ready to let go.

I started this fic, because it was the type of fic that I wanted to read, and I couldn't find. I never expected it to be this long, or to be so well accepted. I am truly humbled by all the reviews and comments that I have gotten these past two months.

I love Lucas (who wouldn't ;)), but I'm sorry to say, that he will _not _be coming back. He did not join the Volturi - he did burn. I received quite a few questions asking what _did _he do to deserve death. And quite frankly, I can't say. The reason why I didn't elaborate within the _story _was because I really didn't know anything worth killing him for (he is my own personal Edward). I'm sorry that it doesn't answer your questions, but we all have imaginations right? ^^

'Of Lies and Deception' is not my first foray into writing, it is however the first story that I have ever written to be read by more than five people. It is an incredible feeling to see that people read my writing and take the time to comment on what they felt while reading it.

On a side note, I am starting to write a sequel (and I use this word loosely) to "Of Lies and Deception". I won't give much away - but I will say this - it will be an account of what Jacob's life is like growing up. It will be written mostly in Jacob's perspective, and to clear confusion it is Jacob Cullen - not Jacob Black. Sadly in this world, I killed him off, which is sad because I'm a Team Taylor fan. ^^ I hope that it will have just as many readers as this story. =D

You do not have to have read "Of Lies and Deception" to read and understand my sequel (which is currently untitled), but it may be beneficial in understanding some references I will in all likelihood make.

Well, I think by now you've probably all grown tired of reading my ramblings so I will finish off with one more line.

_This story is dedicated to all the people out there, who have the inspiration to start something wonderful, but lack the motivation - take a chance and be the change you want to see in the world (or in this case, the fan fiction world =P)_

much love,

-Ceci


	41. Announcement

**Announcement!**

The sequel is titled - **Show Me How To Live**

_What do you live for when all you want to do is die?_

I hope you all enjoy it!


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